Rockabye Baby

Tonight I was a rebel. I broke the parenting rule that says you should never rock your baby to sleep if you ever want her to learn to fall asleep on her own.

Actually, this wasn't my first offense, and it won't be the last time either. But whatever.

After I nursed M.E., she was fading but still awake and so I drew her close and rocked my sweet baby girl. I pressed my lips onto the soft skin of her cheek. As she snuggled close, I felt her chest gently rise and fall. She sighed contentedly, and I breathed in the smell of her milky breath. And I began to pray.

Even after I knew she'd melted into a deep sleep, I held her and continued to be content in the kernel of the moment. Even when a nagging voice in my head threatened to disrupt my cloistered peace as it told me I ought to be doing laundry, packing for an upcoming trip, or exercising instead of holding a sleeping baby, I just kept rocking. And praying.

This is my work. This is my worship. My prayers are silent, my work often unnoticed. Quietly, I make my children's worlds turn. There is no hard evidence of my labor, especially now when I am alone in the darkness with my baby producing nothing other than a shared moment. Yet with God's grace, it is my hope that the sum of these shared moments might help to positively shape my children's lives. It is my hope, Lord, that I might love my children into loving.

Now it is time for me to sleep. It is late, and I did not accomplish all I'd hoped. My neglected "to do" list taunts me, but one final peek at my dozing baby reminds me that as a mother, my life's most satisfying moments do not come to me when I'm involved in great matters. Instead, they often occur when I am hidden, my soul is stilled, and my child rests in my arms as I rest in God.

Filling the Gaps

This past Sunday I attended Mass at my parents' church. I always enjoy their pastor's homilies when I'm visiting, but this one was a standout.

Father spoke of the saints in honor of All Saints Day and how they are here to help us in our Christian journey. Father reminded us that becoming a saint is not as far-fetched as we might imagine. Saints have pasts and sinners have futures, he said.

He also pointed out that none of us believes it all or believes all of the time. Then he shared a story of a woman who had lost her son in a car crash. In her despair, she turned her back on her faith and questioned how an all-loving God could take her son in such a tragic, horrific way, especially since she had been so faithful. Father said we could react to her fallen faith in three ways. We could say she no longer belongs in church since she'd given up on God - clearly, an un-Christian and harsh way of responding to her sorrow. We could tell her she was facing only a temporary bout of depression and that everything would be fine. But this response was not appropriate either. Everything would not be fine - at least not for a long time. She had lost a child and would never be the same because of this great loss. Lastly, we could reach out to her, minister to her, and give her permission to grieve and to be angry. And in the absence of faith, we could believe for her.

We could believe for her.

It was a simple enough idea, what Father was saying (and he said it far more eloquently than I'm doing here). Yet, I'd never really thought about faith like that - how as a community of believers we could believe when others could not. How the communion of saints is at our disposal to replace our doubts with faith. Like a choir, Father said, together we can create beautiful music even if as individuals, it's impossible to hit every note every time. Thank goodness God did not design us to be soloists. When we get off-key, we have backup singers to keep the song in harmony.

As I listened, I thought of Madeline's love for jigsaw puzzles and how no matter how insignificant each individual piece may appear to be, it is critical to the whole. We are many parts, but we are all one body. In our human weakness, we cannot believe everything. We cannot believe all of the time. But the Body of Christ can help to fill in the gaps. Thomas helped Peter when he denied his Lord. Then Peter helped doubting Thomas. We can do the same for each other.

1 Corinthians 12:21-22 reminds us that "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I do not need you,' nor again the head to the feet, 'I do not need you.' Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary." The grieving mother Father spoke of certainly needs her sisters and brothers in Christ to bring her comfort, but we need her, too. She is necessary for us to do what God created us to do: "To give greater honor to a part [of the body] that is without it" (1 Corinthians 12:24), to serve God through serving others.

The Holy Spirit was working through Father on this Sunday because I know I have some gaps to fill right now. There is someone whom I love dearly who does not - cannot - at this point in her life, believe. And so I must believe for her.

God is not near to her or even real to her right now, but I am. How will I reveal His love to her? Not with what may seem like empty platitudes to her. Not with quoting Scripture. Not with heavy-handed lectures on why she should believe. Not with reason. Nor with passion. But with love. Simple acts of love that show her that God's love is not earned by our level of belief. It just is.

An Almost Wordless Wednesday: Mommy, I Look So Stupid

Don't blame me, kiddo. Gaba was the one who bought you that silly fish getup.

Complete Pregnancy Fitness DVD Set Review

UPDATE: The giveaway is now posted at Catholic Mom.

Anne McClure of Catholic Mommy Brain recently invited me to review the Complete Pregnancy Fitness with Erin O'Brien DVD set as a part of Catholic Mom Pregnancy Giveaway. As someone who was already a big fan of the Prenatal Fix DVD, I was eager to test out the Postnatal Rescue.

I’ve tried my share of prenatal workouts (thanks, Netlfix!), and O'Brien's Prenatal Fix is by far my favorite prenatal fitness DVD. I’m a big believer in staying fit during pregnancy (providing you get the green light from your midwife or OB/GYN), and this is one of the few prenatal routines I've seen that pushes you physically. All the exercises are completely safe for pregnant women, but it's challenging enough to rev up your heart rate and give you a good workout.

Erin, a personal trainer and certified exercise instructor, leads you through a 40-minute routine that includes cardio, strength training, and tension-relieving stretches. I did the workout once or twice a week while pregnant with my third, and I could feel the burn - in a good way.

The fitness routine’s setting is a living room, and no fancy equipment is required. I hate it when DVDs become impractical for at-home moms because they call for enough fitness gear to equip a small gym. That just seems to defeat the economy and convenience of using DVDs to exercise.

In addition, Erin is very pregnant in the DVD and actually does the same routine she leads the viewer in, and she even thinks to give you a potty stop during the workout (I definitely took advantage of this built-in break later in pregnancy). Erin’s demeanor is encouraging but not too chirpy. (I’d bet most preggos would agree that an overly perky instructor can be a bit unnerving when you're at the point where you can actually feel your hemorrhoids as you practice your squats.)

The DVD also includes a partner routine where Erin demonstrates moves with her husband, actor James Denton of Desperate Housewives. This is not a selling point for me because number one, I don't watch the show and because number two, I strongly suspect my husband, as wonderful he is, would find it ridiculous if I asked him to allow me to use him as a human resistant band. (I actually tested my theory by showing him a clip of the partner workout, and his expression said only one thing: "You can't be serious.")

I also enjoyed Postnatal Rescue, the second DVD of the set, although I admit I went straight to the third exercise progression since my baby’s nearly seven months now and I was very fortunate to have an easy delivery. However, the DVD is appropriate for brand new moms since it offers three exercise progressions that allow you to ease back into exercise in the postpartum period.

Each of the progressive workouts is 15 minutes and works the back, abs, buttocks, inner thighs, and hips. Research shows that just 15 minutes of resistance training, two to three times a week, can boost your muscle strength. That’s good news for busy moms who are short on time.

The promotional materials say the DVD is designed for women to use from the start of their recovery after labor (the DVD includes a bonus section that guides you through gentle first stretches) to one year postpartum; however, if you’re a regular exerciser, you’ll probably be ready to move on to something more challenging before your baby’s first birthday. Don’t get me wrong: Erin’s Pilates-inspired moves provide a good workout and offer the kind of moves that look effortless but really target the muscle groups affected by pregnancy. But those who are more militant about fitness probably will be ready to up the ante – or at least the length of the workout beyond the 15-minute sessions – before their baby is blowing out her first candles. (Erin does recommend incorporating at least 20 minutes of cardio a day to bounce back from pregnancy more quickly.)

I've personally reaped the emotional and physical benefits of breaking a sweat and aim to exercise a little bit almost every day whether pregnant or not, so I’m always looking for new, quality exercise DVDs that provide simple but effective workouts that I can squeeze into my life as an at-home mom. Erin O’Brien’s Complete Pregnancy Fix fits the bill.

Stop by Catholic Mom for a chance to win the DVD set, or buy it here.

You can also purchase the DVDs separately:
Prenatal Fitness Fix
Postnatal Rescue

Horse Crazy

I thought Madeline was horse crazy, but her affinity for four-legged beasts is lukewarm compared to her little sister's. We cannot get Rae get off this horse at Nana and Pop's. At home, she runs up and down our hallway and asks to be called the Black Stallion. She also keeps asking when she can ride a pony again (she had the chance to straddle a trusty steed at a county fair earlier in the fall).

I was a horse crazy youth myself and spent a big chunk of my childhood atop a horse. I never minded mucking out stalls or smelling like hay or manure. So I keep telling (warning!) my husband this may not be just a little girl phase. The child is transfixed when in the presence of a horse - real or imaginary. Although I don't try to encourage Rae's zeal for horses (too much), I have to admit I've found myself daydreaming once or twice about taking a trail ride alongside my daughter(s).

Do you have any childhood loves that your kids appear to share?

He Loves Me, I Love Him Not

It wasn’t supposed to happen. I’d been strong for so long. I’d resisted him. For nearly five years, I’d kept him out of my home, out of my children’s lives. But one moment of weakness, and now our lives are forever changed.

It wasn't all my fault. Really. I thought the curious monkey was supposed to be around, but it was this guy instead, and I caved in to my child's pleas to see more of him. Now she's infatuated. There's little, if any, hope of taking her back now. He's like preschooler crack, and she is a happy addict.

Of course, even when he was only lurking in the shadows (or the quick promotional spots on public television), I could not shield my firstborn completely. Somehow she still knew his name and the features of his large face. I don’t know how. I thought I’d made her impervious to his charm, but I was wrong. Very wrong.

Why, then, was I so surprised when she caught a glimpse of him the other day and begged to be able to see more of him?

“Why?” I asked.

“I love him,” she explained. I flinched. When did this happen? How could I be so blind? So naive? Love him? How can you love someone you don’t even know?

“Why don’t you like him, Mommy?” she asks. He really has her, I realize. He’s captured my 4-year-old’s heart.

I have no real answer. It’s a fair question, I suppose. I should have to explain my intolerance. Why am I not more open-minded?

“I just don’t like him,” I hear myself saying.

What kind of lessons am I teaching my child by snubbing the object of her affection just because he's different than us and sickeningly saccharine sweet? I just don't believe he's being completely sincere. Does the guy ever have a bad day?

He’s definitely too old for her. Not to mention, too reptilian. And that voice of his. It’s annoyingly nasal. And his eggplant-purple skin and that plastered on smile and those perfect, gleaming white teeth (those have to be caps).

Oh, but Madeline has fallen hard for his timeless allure. (I mean, isn’t his kind supposed to be extinct?)

“I love Barney,” she says, eyes glazed over, face flushed with the fervor of young love.

Resist his dinosaur charm! I want to scream, but it’s too late. From her dazed expression and the dreamy tone of her voice, I know she means it. He’s singing that ridiculous song, and she’s buying it.

But I’m not. Not for a second.

“I love you, you love…”

Oh, but I don’t. Yours is an unrequited love. It always has been, and it always will be.

New Column: Real Draw for Real Presence

I'm over at Faith & Family LIVE! today trying to explain why I'm Catholic. Or perhaps more to the point, why I bother to go to Mass when it's not always easy to pay much attention to know where I even am with three little ones clinging to me.

Here's the Cliff's Notes answer: It just so happens that Mass is the only place I can receive Christ bodily. Over and over again I keep coming back to the Lord's table because everything I need can be found in the Eucharist.

Here's the article.

For anyone interested in learning more about the Eucharist, here are a few helpful links:

Definition of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist from Catholic Encyclopedia

The Celebration of the Christian Mystery from the Catechism of the Catholic Church

I also love this post on Adoration from Conversion Diary.

Anyone else have any helpful links or words to help explain the Real Presence of Christ to curious non-Catholics or loved ones who have left the Catholic Church?

What are Your Easter Sunday Brunch Traditions?

Yup. That's right. I'm already thinking about Easter, and it's not even Advent season yet. I'm a born planner, but even someone as anal as I am doesn't really start planning for Easter before Christmas unless I'm working on an article. The publishing world is always thinking ahead. Thus, the reason for this post.

I'm writing an article on how to celebrate with your family at an Easter brunch for Faith & Family magazine, and I'd like to include some family traditions. Do you do anything special to celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord? Any favorite family recipes you reserve for Easter Sunday? How do you spruce up your home to celebrate New Life? I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment, or feel free to email me at kmwicker [at] gmail [dot] com.

24-Hour Diner

Preschooler, hearing the baby start to fuss: Order up! One Mommy coming up!

A Baby's Job Description

We take pride in productivity here at Momopoly, so it's no surprise that Madeline recently summed up M.E.'s professional profile: "You chew on your fist. You like to drink mommy milk. You pull hair. You scratch me with your nails. That's your duty. Oh, and you pee and poop."

With regards to the latter, this baby is one efficient mass producer.