I Believe

The Advent season is behind us; the waiting is over. Jesus is here in our hearts. Or is he?

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Scripture often calls us to be more childlike in our faith and recently, my older brother brought this idea home with the following analogy: We should believe in Jesus as sincerely as children believe in the magic of Santa Claus, even if we cannot fully understand the whys and hows of our faith. Young children blindly and wholeheartedly believe in Santa Claus whether or not everything makes perfect sense.

I know I did. I can remember wondering how Santa could possibly make it to all those houses on one night. I recall straining my ears to hear the patter of reindeer’s hooves on my rooftop. Although I never received any authoritative answers to my questions and I certainly never heard any thumping on the roof, I continued to believe and didn’t really begin to doubt the whole Santa thing until I was much older.

Even as I grew older, there was a part of me that desperately wanted to believe and ignored all the holes in the logic of Santa. There was no way that plump man could squeeze through our tiny chimney, but he did it. He had to. Then there was the part of me that just accepted it. I didn’t need all of my uncertainties to be relieved. I didn’t need the reassurance of seeing Santa fill my stockings to believe.

I find myself wondering why then I demand so much of God in order to believe.

Isn’t it ironic that I’m not always sure I want to believe in Christ or to embrace certain dogma of the Church as much as I once wanted to believe that in Santa? Perhaps I’m more than a little afraid of what it means to accept Christ (after all, the gift of faith requires me to act accordingly, does it not?). Moreover, I admit that I am, especially lately for some reason, filled with doubt and questions about my faith. How can I accept that God would give his only Son to save us all? Couldn’t there be another way?

Sometimes when I ask probing questions like these, I get good outcomes. I learn more about what I believe as a Catholic and/or I deepen my faith. However, there are certain questions that have no definitive answers, but that doesn’t mean I should stop believing. Little kids certainly don’t stop believing in Santa Claus when adults fail to answer their questions well. (“How does he have time to deliver all those presents and eat all those cookies?” “It’s magic.” “Why do some kids get everything they want for Christmas from Santa, but I don’t?” “Because your parents asked Santa not to spoil you and to teach you virtue.” Yada. Yada. Yada.)

Yet, here we are as oh-so-rational adults, trying to stump priests, religious friends, even God himself, by firing off question after question. Why did Jesus have to die on the cross? If God is so merciful and loving, why does he let bad things happen? How do we know Jesus is the Savior? Was there really a star in Bethlehem or was it just some weird celestial event those wise guys saw? Frankly, we can get too caught up in the details. As parents, we simply hope our children will embrace the magic of Christmas, at least for a little while and that's sometimes all God's asking of us - to merely believe in the mystery of the cross.

In honor of celebrating the gift of Christ, the Word made Flesh, today and always I choose to believe, even when those questions start to nag me, even when I want reassurance but find no burning bushes or messages from angels, even when it would be much easier not to believe.