Comments on Momopoly: Mixed Marriage Series: Tip 3

Evenshine, thanks for your further comments. When ...

2008-09-04T19:34:00.000-04:00

Evenshine, thanks for your further comments. When I refer to stealth evangelization, I just mean living a life of the faith rather than shoving it down someone's throat. I can accept him for whom he is, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to fully share the faith and to one day enter into the Church. One way to bring him to God and to the Catholic faith, I hope, is by me preaching with my life.

I also try to accept my husband for all that he is and to leave any changing that needs to be done in God's hands. That said, I selfishly want him to share the faith because it brings me so much joy and as a Catholic, I want him to experience the transforming power of the Eucharist. Still, I do value him and all his beliefs not only because he is a good, loving man, father, and husband but because he is helping to bring me closer to Christ. Funny how God works, isn't it?

God bless you in your "mixed" marriage!

In Christ,
Kate

Thanks for clarifying, Kate. A few thoughts to add...

2008-09-04T16:04:00.000-04:00

Thanks for clarifying, Kate. A few thoughts to add to the conversation, in truth and love:

You mention: "I'm in a unique situation because it's not as if my husband has a strong faith...

...However, this doesn't mean he isn't the head of the house or someone my children learn much from...he IS teaching the Gospel and revealing Christ's love through his life and the way he lives it."

I agree that you are in a different (though certainly not unique!) situation than mine. However, the challenge is the same in some respects: how to live the life divided? How to balance our two great loves?
My difficulty with your position comes in this: in your comment, you affirm and laud your husband's Christlike principles, but in the same breath you're challenging those principles by your proposed "stealth evangelism". I think my words were "*spiritual* head of the house". If his Christlike principles were enough, then why seek to convert him? Would you feel the same if your husband actively encouraged your children to convert you?
Mixed marriages are difficult. I am living witness to that fact. But perhaps they would be a little easier if we could learn to not only accept our spouses' choice but to value it, without seeking to change those we love best.
Blessings to you and yours!

I was raised Catholic by my mother and supportive,...

2008-09-04T06:59:00.000-04:00

I was raised Catholic by my mother and supportive, but non-Catholic, father. My mother would not allow us to "nag" my dad about the faith. He is strong spiritually, but just didn't buy into the organized aspect, I guess. He did, though, take his vow to raise us Catholic very seriously, and never ever said anything in opposition to Church teaching.

Several years ago, to my mother's shock and horror, I started "nagging" my dad about the faith. By this time, he had been attending Sunday Mass for years, abstained from meat on Fridays during Lent, and did many other "Catholic" things. When he said he believed in the Real Presence, I felt it necessary to beef up the pressure to counter-act the inertia. I told my dad I was praying for his conversion, told him I would do everything in my power to make sure he had the sacraments if he were on his deathbed, and, in front of my father, instructed my mother to keep the whole "deathbed conversion" scenario in the forefront of her mind, just in case (my dad was 58 at the time, and in decent health, I just like to be dramatic).

Within two years, my dad signed up for RCIA. My mom said the pressure from me and my sister (in cahoots with me) did it. I only wish she would have permitted us to evangelize sooner, and wish she herself felt comfortable evangelizing. It would have been nice to have childhood memories of a shared faith.

Thanks for this series, Kate. It's timely - I find...

2008-09-03T14:33:00.000-04:00

Thanks for this series, Kate. It's timely - I find myself in a mixed marriage of sorts, my husband having lost his faith over the past few years. He was a devout Catholic when we married. The hardest challenge for me, spiritually, is to overcome my frustration with members of the Church, who so often validate his criticisms of Catholicism. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that at some point. Thanks again!

Hi, Evenshine. Thanks, as always, for your comment...

2008-09-03T12:37:00.000-04:00

Hi, Evenshine. Thanks, as always, for your comments. I certainly didn't mean to infer that my husband doesn't play a role in the spiritual upbringing of my children. It is certainly not us against Daddy. It's us FOR Daddy and his conversion - IF that's God's will.

Also, I'm in a unique situation because it's not as if my husband has a strong faith (as is the case in your family, I believe, where both of you are practicing different faiths). Although he grew up in the Episcopal Church, he no longer practices this faith (and has no desire to). He wants to raise the children Catholic because this is my wish and he says he would want to do this out of his love for me, but he leaves the teaching of the faith up to me (as far as dogma, prayers, etc. go).

However, this doesn't mean he isn't the head of the house or someone my children learn much from. That's why I mentioned that even though he is not spouting out the Catechism or teaching Catholic prayers to our little ones, he IS teaching the Gospel and revealing Christ's love through his life and the way he lives it. He is one of the most unselfish, loving people I know. Case in point: I have been feeling ill lately and he has been so eager to help out and to show me his love even though he has a major test (part of his board certification tests) looming next week. I've watched my oldest daughter imitate his kindness. "Mommy, can I help with anything?" or she'll come up to me and put her small hand on my back and pat me or give me a back rub just as she's seen her daddy do. In that sense, he is a very important spiritual leader in our home. He is showing our children what it means to be Christlike, to serve others, and to put someone else's needs above your own. I'm sorry if my words failed to get that across. I have the utmost respect for my husband and certainly would never want to pit my children (or anyone) against him. :)

God bless you!

Hi, Kate. Thanks for your post, which does a wonde...

2008-09-03T12:19:00.000-04:00

Hi, Kate. Thanks for your post, which does a wonderful job of expressing the tension inherent in marriages such as ours, especially from the Catholic perspective. How unfortunate, though, that this position almost completely negates any spiritual leadership on the part of the husband! Instead, what is created is an "us against daddy" mentality which is difficult to justify. I wish you the best in your journey as a family, working out this difficult balance.

You hit the key important elements with the childr...

2008-09-03T10:14:00.000-04:00

You hit the key important elements with the children. The comment from the email left me feeling awkward and a bit sad but with lots of prayer I know all will be well.
Thanks for writing about such a meaningful issue.

Great post, Kate. And pretty much all of what you...

2008-09-03T08:01:00.000-04:00

Great post, Kate. And pretty much all of what you say pertains to those of us in non-mixed marriages too. :)