A Good Excuse

The topic of extended breastfeeding (that is breastfeeding beyond one year) recently came up during a conversation with another mom. She asked me if I was getting tired of nursing my almost 14-month-old so much.

“Not at all,” I told her. “It’s the only quiet time I have during the day.”


I'm one of those moms who has always enjoyed nursing and has had no real problems other than making too much milk, and lately I value my little one's noshing sessions even more because they serve as mini retreats. While I oftentimes nurse on the go or when we’re in the midst of a craft, homeschooling, or story time, there are at least two times each day when Mary Elizabeth and I sneak away to withdraw into a cloistered calm together. My older girls know to quietly play while Mommy nurses their baby sister to sleep for her nap and in the evening for bedtime. During these hushed pockets in my noisy day filled with the energy of active, little girls, I often sit in a glider and gently rock my sweet baby as she nurses. 

Sometimes I read a book or fiddle with my iPhone, but usually I just watch Mary Elizabeth. I notice the way she starts out looking at me until her eyelids begin to grow heavy with each suck. Her long lashes usually flutter one last time before her green-blue eyes vanish beneath her delicate eyelids. Her breathing slows, and I feel her tummy rise and fall against my own and notice that our inhales and exhales often become synchronized. I watch her tiny, perfect ear wiggle as she sucks, and I hear small gulps, which start out almost frantic and then slow with her breathing, as my body nourishes her. Sometimes she pulls off, and I wait to see if her lips will continue to suck satisfied with just the memory of my breast. (They usually do.) Her hand often holds onto the fabric of my shirt or her fingers tightly grasp my finger, and her strength always surprises me. I love her hands, their softness, the tiny dimples where knuckles will one day emerge.

I cherish these moments together when I discern the smallest of details, when there are no distractions, when it is just my child and me set apart from the world discovering our own world where we exist only for each other.

I wish there were more of these moments. My baby has grown up so quickly. She’s morphing into a feisty toddler with her own agenda. She often has to compete for my attention just as her older sisters do at times, but nursing together - this is all ours where we find each other in a closed circle, and I am nothing but a mother and she is nothing but my baby. 

Lately I’ve been wondering when our next baby will come. I’m in no hurry. My body isn’t either. My cycle has not yet returned, and there are no signs that it’s on its way. A friend of mine who knew about my postpartum depression struggles long before I made the announcement in cyberspace called this fact grace. And I know she’s right. I needed some space, some grace to restore myself, to regain strength and energy and joy in the little things. Because most of my mothering life hinges on those little things.

Still, there’s a part of me that will always - no matter how exhausted or overwhelmed I may feel - long for a baby, a new beginning, a new narrative of hope that begins with conception. I also frequently find myself yearning for the secluded simplicity having a newborn brings to our home. When I have a newborn, I do little more than take care of my baby, myself, and my older children. We spend at least a month slowing our pace and finding a new rhythm. And I never feel guilty about how little I do outside of the home. With a newborn in our midst, I have a good excuse to say no to all of the outside distractions and requests. No to new freelance assignments. No to volunteer commitments. No to new blog posts. No to responding to every single email that finds its way to my inbox. No to tackling the entire heap of laundry in one day but yes to a few loads here and there. No to gourmet meals but yes to takeout or to something more simple like a fresh salad for dinner. No to any commitment or demand that takes me away from my baby or my family.

Yet, as I nursed my sweet soon-to-be toddler early this morning, I realized I don’t need a newborn to let me off the hook. Our family is entering a very busy season of our lives. I have a husband preparing for his oral boards who needs me around to offer support and to give our children extra attention in his absence. He will be starting a new job and a new chapter in his professional life in July. He needs me to be there for him. Easy-going, selfless man that he is, he won’t ever say he needs me, but I know I have the ability to make his life less stressful by seamlessly managing all of the domestic details, so he doesn't have to. I want him to come home to a place of peace and order. Right now my evenings must be free, I'm there for him when he wants to talk or needs me to handle some small task so he can free his mind to tackle work responsibilities.  


We have a big move next month into a house that must be made into a home. There are walls to be splashed with color. Carpets to be ripped out. A little girls' room to spruce up. Floors to polish. Boxes to be unpacked. A kitchen to organize. A yard (yes, our children's first yard!) to manicure. A schoolroom to be pieced together since I have my first official year of homeschooling just around the corner as well. 


I also have three little girls who need more of Mommy and less of that blogging-writing-cleaning-volunteering-leading-multitasking-lady. Oh, and I still do have that nursing baby of mine (whether she’s technically a toddler or not).

So, really, I have a perfectly good excuse to graciously say no to anything and everything that pulls me away from my vocation or zaps my precious stores of energy. It’s called a family.

I bet you have a good excuse, too. Start using it.

24-Hour Diner

Preschooler, hearing the baby start to fuss: Order up! One Mommy coming up!

Bosom Buddies

Rae and I took a break from the sand and sun during our recent beach vacation to nurse our babies.

Celebrate the Small Stuff

I've been MIA in the "Small Successes" world. Why? Because I haven't felt one bit successful. On one hand, I've still been trying to do too much. But my overly ambitious efforts and ideals often result in me doing too little. When a friend recently called to see how I was doing, I suffered from severe logorrhea instead of giving the poor dear (who could use some encouragement) time to share her story. I'm behind on laundry. My preschooler described my legs as "furry" (thank goodness my hair is blond and not too noticeable except to petting hands). Yet, perhaps it's when I'm feeling like a big flop that I need to celebrate the smallest of successes more than ever. So here they are:

1. I tackled the furry beast legs, and I shaved off a mole in the process (the mishap happened after the baby started to cry and my preschooler ran in to the bathroom to tell me the toddler was putting small things in her mouth). Holy moly that hurt, but it's one less mole the derm will have to inspect during my August skin check appointment. (Another related success is that I finally got around to scheduling this appointment after my responsible husband got on to me about it.)

2. Instead of complaining about a husband-caused-clutter-of-a-closet, I cleaned it up. And I didn't even gloat about the fact that I'd decluttered his mess. (Bonus points for Mom.)

3. I've been trying to go to bed earlier and have stopped thinking of sleep as a "waste of time" or a "luxury" and instead am trying to see it as a good-mom-mandate.

I made the decision to retire earlier this past weekend after I thought about how for my past three confessions, I've asked to be forgiven for being too impatient with my children when this really isn't the root of this recurring pattern of petulance on my part. My impatience, I've observed, is directly correlated to my level of exhaustion, and my exhaustion was partly of my own making. I was skimping on sleep to do things that I thought were more important when, in reality, sleep is what I need most of all in order to be a gentle, patient mother (and, really, that's far more important than some of the crazy things I was staying up late to do).

Since my little epiphany, our days have gone more smoothly, and I'm feeling less frazzled even when I do have a rough night with the baby. Actually, now that I've written that, I'm seeing that this isn't a small success at all. Reordering my priorities and recognizing sleep as "me time" isn't easy, but it's a must right now.

Share (and celebrate) your own and other moms' small successes at Faith & Family Live!

Avent Bottle Review

My baby-feeding friends, won't you mosey on over to my Momopoly Reviews site to read my review of the Avent bottle? Yes, I the-I-nurse-for-comfort-and-for-nourishment-ecological-breastfeeding-advocate-mama occasionally use a bottle. (I briefly mention when and why over in my review.)

I'd love to hear your feedback about what bottles (as well as pumps) you prefer. So start clicking. Oh, there's also a chance to win a $500 Visa gift card from Avent at the BlogHer review roundup page. You'll find the link to the drawing at the bottom of my review.

See you over there!

Think We Take Nursing Around Here Seriously?

Concerned Preschooler, after seeing debris in the middle of a major road near our home: Mommy, can't you go get it?

Me: No, honey. I might get hit by a car.

Preschooler: Oh, and then you couldn't nurse.

Dairy Queen Relinquishes Throne

I've been trying to avoid it. I've been trying to convince myself there might be another way. But it's time now. It's time to say good-bye to all dairy products for 10 days to see if it helps my little one be more comfortable.

Baby M.E. is still refluxing (it seemed to have improved for a few weeks after starting Prevacid, but it appears to be worsening again). She's also writhing in what seems like GI pain, having longer and longer crying jags, and scrunching up those chunky legs after she nurses. Not to mention, our sweet, little girl has enough methane to put a dent in the ozone layer. (How does such a tiny thing produce such loud and noxious gas?)

I consulted my mother-in-law (the lactation consultant) this afternoon after I wasn't able to get her to sleep for more than 45 minutes all day, and she agreed I should cut out dairy for just for 10 days and see if it makes a difference.

I've already given up caffeine. Now my decaf lattes must go as well. No, I'm certainly not looking forward to going dairy-free (starting today, my friends), especially since I'm a complete cheese monger and love protein shakes (and ice cream, but I sound so much cooler saying I like protein shakes, which I do, but not as much as milkshakes).

But, honestly, what wouldn't I do for a face like that? (Though you better believe I chugged a milkshake down last night before entering the no-dairy zone this morning.)



If there's anyone out there who has experience with extremely gassy, crying, and nursing babies, feel free to put in your two cents. With my previous nurslings, I was able to eat whatever I wanted. Jalapenos, dark chocolate, beans - you name it. Nothing seemed to bother them, so this is new territory for me.

Got Milk?

I sure do.

I've never been one to worry about my milk supply, and it's true that I've been known to refer to my breasts as my Super Soakers since they spray all over the place and often cause my little one to choke, cough, and gasp for air. (Is it any wonder Mary Elizabeth suffers from reflux?)

I was also well aware of the fact that our little M.E. had gotten a whole lot bigger by the looks of her delicious rolls, double chin, and dimpled thighs.

Still, I wasn't quite prepared for just how much our little peanut had grown. I had Mary Elizabeth's two-month checkup yesterday (she'll be eight weeks on Sunday) and when they weighed her, my milk-producing duo swelled (quite literally) with pride.

Our M.E., who weighed in at 5 pounds 13 ounces at birth, now weighs a whopping 10 pounds 9 ounces. That's not a typo. She's not even two months yet and she's almost doubled her weight.

Talk about a nice return for your investment.

Little Lactivist

(NOTE: Photo was taken prior to subject's run-in with a Wii remote.)

What's Your Favorite Nursing Bra?

I'm a bit preoccupied with babies as I sit and wait for number three to make her big debut. I don't really need much at all for this little one, but I am thinking of finally investing in a few nice nursing bras. I've nursed two kids for almost two years each and I'm about to add another child to my nursing résumé, so I think it's time I splurge on a bra that doesn't come from Wal-Mart or Target. I've bought all my previous nursing bras for under 20 bucks, but even el cheapo me is ready and willing to fork out a little more cash this time.

This is where my fellow nursing moms come in. Do you have any recommendations? I've heard good things about Motherwear (and I love their breastfeeding blog) as well as Bravado. Just today I noticed that GAP now sells nursing bras and tops. I have a few GAP gift certificates, so I was thinking of maybe ordering a bra from there.

Now just to get something off my chest (cut me some slack for the terrible pun; I'm getting a little stir crazy reclining on my bed and am finding an increasing need to be silly). Even when I'm pregnant and nursing I'm not exactly what you'd describe as voluptuous. Perky, maybe, but my duo only grows in size immediately after my milk comes in and then - poof! - objects are smaller than they should appear.

True story: I had to shop for a new strapless bra a few months after I had Rae that I needed for a dress I was planning to wear to an event for my husband's work. I walked into the lingerie store and the salesperson asked me what I was looking for and what size I thought I might need. I stood up straight and maybe I jutted out my chest just a bit.

"I need a strapless bra. I'm a nursing mom, so I think I need at least a B-cup."

The salesperson kindly smiled at me. "Let's try an A-cup first." Ugh. The nerve of her. An A-cup? Ha! I'll show her.

The only thing I showed her was that even breastfeeding wasn't going to allow me to fill out a B-cup. The A-cup fit just fine, and that left me wondering what size my twins were when I wasn't nursing. A negative A?

Oh well. That's neither here nor there. I only share this background information with you in case certain nursing bras are better for different body types.

Anyway, if you have a specific brand or style you're crazy about, let me know! I'm eager to make my big purchase.

Small Successes 6

1. My toddler has only nursed once in two weeks. This is a bittersweet success. Although I was prepared to tandem nurse (I'm in my eighth month of pregnancy with baby number three), I did stop offering a few weeks ago and she stopped asking. The last time she nursed she climbed on to my lap, looked up at me with her big, brown doe eyes and said, "Mama's milk?" I pulled her in and savored the snuggles, which lasted about 20 seconds. After taking a token "sip" or two, she grinned and then tumbled off of me and returned to her heap of toys. Sometimes I wonder who's weaning whom!

2. My preschooler and I made her Lenten mouse (extra long tail to accommodate ample good deeds not pictured). We made the little guy from felt and a piece of yarn. For every act of kindness Madeline performs during Lent (without Mom's prodding, of course), we'll tie a small knot in his tail. Madeline is very excited about getting his tail all knotty. We also make a Lenten Lamb to countdown the days until Easter. (I gleaned the lamb idea from Karen Edmisten last year.)



3. My cervix appears to be cooperating and not getting all anxious on us. Thank you, God! I was already 3 cm at this point of my pregnancy with baby number two. I understand I don't play much of a role in this success, but I have been guzzling more water and trying to take a mini retreat each day for at least 20 minutes to rest.

This is such a helpful exercise because it forces me to assess how I'm doing, to take note of my maternal triumphs, however modest they may be, and to focus on the positive.

Why not share (and celebrate) your own small successes? Join other "successful" moms out there at Faith & Family Live!

Ecological Breastfeeding Book Review

Over this past summer, I had the amazing privilege of personally corresponding with Sheila Kippley, a renowned breastfeeding and natural family planning advocate and co-founder of NFP International.

A few months back she sent me The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor, her latest book to hit the shelves, and it’s about time I gave it as well as ecological breastfeeding some attention here.

Back in July I wrote what I’d assumed was an innocuous article about how I overcame my misgivings about nursing at Mass for Inside Catholic. I was not prepared for the barrage of dissenting comments about nursing as well as some of the negativity expressed about the presence of babies and kids at Mass in general that my article provoked.

Many thoughts rifled through my mind as I read some of the accusatory remarks calling me selfish and comparing nursing a baby at Mass to engaging in sexual acts in public. (I know. That one really blew me away, too.)

However, one thought that has really stuck with me is how not one naysayer referenced my mention of using ecological breastfeeding (EBF) as a part of natural family planning. (Surprisingly, only a handful of my supporters who personally emailed me acknowledged this point either.)

In fact, I realized that even many ardent advocates of nursing moms – Catholic or otherwise – who understand that babies need to be fed on demand don’t really know much about EBF. Nor do many women who practice NFP.

I used to be no different. Honestly, I didn’t have a clue about EBF, which in a nutshell means nursing your baby for nourishment as well as comfort without restriction, or how it encourages natural child spacing even as I was practicing it.

In fact, the only reason I discovered a name for this method of breastfeeding is because I went to see my certified nurse midwife, who also happens to be Catholic, after I was having trouble conceiving baby number two.

I arrived at her office armed with my spiffy NFP charts.

She took one look at my charting and said, “You’re still nursing, aren’t you?”

I was, I told her.

She proceeded to tell me that this was the explanation behind my infertility. She also went on to say that a lot of American women think they’re feeding on demand and without restriction, but they’re really not.

As Kippley explains it, many Westerners practice what’s known as cultural breastfeeding. Moms breastfeed for nutrition, but they “may not be satisfying [their] child’s other needs for comfort and bonding at the breast."

Cultural breastfeeding does not have much of an effect on postpartum infertility; EBF does. (Now, of course, there are exceptions to every rule and even some women who fully embrace EBF may see an early return of their fertility, but this is not the norm.)

In my midwife’s home country of South Africa almost all mothers practice EBF (without even giving it a fancy name – it’s just what they do) and if they get pregnant in the early postpartum period, my midwife calls it a miracle.

I, like those South African women, didn’t know I was an EBF mom until my midwife told me I was. I just believed in feeding my baby on demand. I didn’t personally see it as natural (or easy despite what some of my mom friends claimed) to make babies (or moms) conform to a rigid feeding schedule. On the contrary, I found it required less effort (not to mention stress) to feed her when she was hungry and to respond to her cues before she started wailing.

I didn’t use a pacifier with my first child, and I often took naps with her. I nursed her frequently – when she was hungry, bored, frustrated, hurting – and I wasn’t planning on weaning her until she was ready. (I did end up gently weaning her at 22 months, so I could conceive baby number two.)

Now before I go any further, the purpose of this post is not to bash other moms’ parenting styles, to pile on the guilt, or to put my own personal mothering style on a pedestal. This is just what has worked for my children and me in our journey together. How I or any woman mothers her child is not up for debate. Nor am I suggesting that I’m somehow a superior mom or a better Catholic NFPer because I EBF.

What I am trying to do is to make people more aware of the benefits of EBF. And there are many.

To name a few:

• EBF naturally spaces babies approximately two years apart on average. The hallmarks of EBF are frequent and unrestricted nursing, which leads to natural lactation amenorrhea, or the absence of menstruation due to breastfeeding, and infertility in most women. My first two children are two and a half years apart. My second child and third (due in April) will be about 22 months apart. (NOTE: I became pregnant shortly after my second daughter had a five-day nursing strike. I had only one cycle and viola! I conceived.)
  
  
• EBF promotes healthy moms and babies. Generally, EBF moms and babies nurse more frequently and for a longer period of time, which allows them to maximize some of the health benefits of breastfeeding. I’m not going to expound on all the merits of breastfeeding in this post, but if you’re interested, check out some of the benefits La Leche League International outlines here.
  
  
• EBF often reveals that “nature knows best.” As Kippley writes in her book’s foreword:

  “One of the things I have always liked best about the way breastfeeding spaces babies is that it is responsive to the needs of an individual baby. If you have a high need baby, who nurses frequently around the clock well into toddlerhood, you’ll probably find your fertility takes longer to return. That means this child has more time to receive the focused attention he or she needs.”

  
  I couldn’t agree more with this. As I previously mentioned, I was frustrated when I couldn’t get pregnant sooner with my second child even after my cycle had returned. I’d always planned on having my kids closer together.
  
  But God had a different and better plan.
  
  My firstborn has never been a sleeper (she's 4 now and was up at 2 AM last night; she still doesn't always get the whole "sleeping through the night" idea). She was one of those babies who nursed constantly. Even as a preschooler, she still occasionally asks about nursing - more out of curiosity, I think, but she’s always been attached to me. Mom (and now sometimes Daddy or a grandparent) serve as her lovey. In other words, she demanded my full presence for a long time and having another baby too soon would have been very tough on the both of us. Truth is, I remember being very thankful my kids were 2 1/2 years apart after I had my second child. It worked out beautifully.
  
  My second little one is still nursing occasionally, but she’s never nursed as much as her big sister, and she's a sleeper (thanks be to God!). Breastfeeding has always been more about nutrition than comfort for her, and we did end up giving her pacifier to help with reflux. She also doesn’t co-sleep with us (although she did as an infant). We’ve tried to bring her in bed and she either starts playing or crying to go “night-night” in her crib. She has an elephant stuffed animal that’s her lovey. She’s not nearly as high need as her big sister, so again, my third pregnancy was perfectly planned by God. We thought we’d start “trying” for baby number three a few months after he or she was conceived. I realize that even though this baby was a surprise, it is meant to be and was tied into my current baby and my nursing habits (the nursing strike, as I mentioned, appeared to have kicked my fertility into gear).
  
  I suppose all of this supports why my midwife prefers to call NFP God Family Planning.
  
  
• EBF is far more than just a “green” and natural form of mothering. In fact, for Catholics practicing NFP EBF allows couples to not have to brood over “just reasons” for avoiding a pregnancy. For those of you unfamiliar with Church teachings, the Catechism explains that,

  “For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood." (CCC 2368)

  What’s beautiful about EBF is that as a mom, I take care of the baby that’s in arms now, responding to her needs, nursing her when she’s cranky, hungry, or just in need of some mommy time and in doing so, I naturally suppress my ovulation and organically space my children.
  
  
• EBF also beautifully complements Pope John Paul II's teachings on the Theology of the Body. When we breastfeed our babies on demand and fulfill their needs for frequent sucking, we are acting according to natural law; we are cooperating with the way God made us. That’s what “natural” mothering really boils down to: Acting according to the nature God created us and created our babies.
  
  

Now, some will argue that following the seven standards of EBF (outlined below) does not come naturally to mothers. And they may not in today’s society – just as natural childbirth or healthy eating are not as “easy” as they once were. For instance, we have a healthcare system, telling us birth is scary and medical interventions are necessary to keep mom and baby healthy (and sometimes they are, but more often the case, birth is not pathological, and a woman and her baby would be much better off if she was taught to trust her body and the labor process rather than fear it). As for wholesome noshing, our access to processed and convenience foods means we often opt for unhealthier choices simply because they are what's on hand.

So if EBF does not come naturally to women, it’s not because it’s not innate; it’s because society has made it that way, and we need to do a better job of supporting moms in their roles as nurturers.

I’ll get off my mom soapbox now.

Perhaps you’re sold on EBF or you’re at least interested in learning more about how it works. This is where Kippley’s wonderful little handbook comes in.

Her book not only discussed ecological breastfeeding, how it is done and how it’s used to space babies, but it also touches upon the benefits of natural mothering.

The book outlines the seven standards of EBF and offers tips on how to apply them in your mothering life.

The seven standards include:

1. Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life; don’t use other liquids and solids, not even water.
2. Pacify or comfort your baby at your breast.
3. Don’t use pacifiers or bottles.
4. Sleep with your baby for night feedings.
5. Sleep with your baby for a daily-nap feeding.
6. Nurse frequently day and night, and avoid schedules.
7. Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby.

Again, I have to reemphasize that embracing EBF does not automatically make a woman a better mom. Moms can bond with the babies whether they breastfeed or not. Similarly, even the most committed breastfeeding moms may not follow all of the standards of EBF, and they will still forge a strong and healthy bond with their babies.

However, following these guidelines becomes more important if a woman is interested in the breastfeeding infertility that is achieved through EBF.

I do see EBF as a very natural form of mothering, partly because I just ended up spontaneously practicing it without even knowing what it even was initially. Thus, I have to assume there’s something instinctive about it. I admittedly didn’t follow all of the “standards” with my second child. And that’s okay. I still feel I met her needs (at least most of the time!).

One of the toughest standards for me to embrace is the daytime nap-feeding. The Type A in me has a hard time going down for a siesta, even when my body's screaming at me to take a load off. Sleep when the baby sleeps? Ha! Not me. Nap time is when Mommy kicks into high gear and gets things done. Yet I've found that when I do allow myself to take a break and to snooze with my little one(s), we're all better off. Sometimes "getting things done" involves cuddling with your baby and relaxing.

My resistance to napping aside, EBF has been rewarding and relatively easy for me. Yet, all moms have an upper limit to their martyrdom. What I’m saying is that there have, of course, been times when nursing on demand and without restriction can be tough. The truth is, whether you nurse or not, whether you adopt or give birth to your children, the call to parenthood is not always easy to answer.

I can remember being absolutely exhausted with my first who wanted to nurse endlessly through the night. But it’s during my toughest mothering moments that I remind myself why the Catholic Church portrays the virtue of charity as a mother nursing her child. Breastfeeding, and mothering in general, involves a total gift of self. And that, even though it's sometimes far from easy, is a beautiful, sanctifying thing.

To purchase The Seven Standard of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor and to learn about Sheila Kippley’s other books, please visit the books page at NFP International.

September Breastfeeding Carnival

Welcome to the September Breastfeeding Carnival. This month's theme is Learning to Breastfeed. For my regular readers, I'm recycling the post that includes a Q&A with my mom-in-law the lactation consultant. For any new readers, thanks for visiting. Be sure to scroll down to the bottom of this post to read others' stories, anecdotes, and reflections on learning how to breastfeed and while you're at it, share your own breastfeeding education story. Was your learning curve steep or more gradual? Who helped you along your breastfeeding journey? And, please, did anyone else out there happen to show their breasts to their mother-in-law (or another family member other than your spouse) just to make sure it looked like everything was in working condition?

Q&A with My Mom-in-Law the Lactation Consultant

My mom-in-law is a lactation consultant. This means I've got all the support I need when it comes to nursing. It also means I don't have to feel uncomfortable, as some of my friends say they are, nursing my babies when I'm at my in-laws'. In fact, I took the whole daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship to a new level when I asked her to check to make sure my nipples weren't inverted. Mind you, I wasn't pregnant or even married to her son at the time (we were engaged, thank goodness), and I was already worried about not being able to nurse. I've got to be the first daughter-in-law ever to willingly show her future mother-in-law her breasts. The good news is my nipples were perfectly fine, and all those fears of nursing failure were in vain (like most of my silly fears). I've breastfed two kiddos with ease, and nursing has been a rewarding experience.

Still, it's meant a great deal to me to have someone on deck if a question does arise. My main problem has been making too much milk, and Mom-in-law was always armed with resources to help settle down my super soakers and give my poor, gulping babies a chance to breathe. She's also helped many of my friends with everything from routine nursing problems (trouble getting a baby to latch-on) to less common questions (tips for nursing a baby after a C-section).

In honor of this Dairy Queen in our family (who happens to be a wonderful grandma for reasons other than her nursing expertise), I've decided to share a Q&A with my mom-in-law the lactation consultant. So whether you're a nursing mom, a La Leche Leader, or maybe someone who's considering becoming a lactation consultant, read on to discover why my mom-in-law thinks she has the best job in the world.

How long have you been a lactation consultant?

I started working with breastfeeding mothers and babies in 1982 as a volunteer La Leche League Leader. I have been a board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) since 1989. After becoming certified, I was in private practice for several years. I have been in my present position at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta for nearly eight years.

What made you decide to become a lactation consultant?

I have always loved children - especially babies - and I love teaching (I have a BS in education). I stayed home with my babies and started volunteering with La Leche League when my second child was a year old. This gave me the opportunity to teach and be with babies. I was hooked!

Why is supporting moms and their babies in their breastfeeding journey so important to you?

I believe every baby is entitled to breastfeed -if physically capable. If the baby can’t breastfeed, he is at least entitled to receive breastmilk. I believe new mothers need help and support to successfully breastfeed and/or pump. In the old days everyone breastfed, so family and friends could help the new mother get a good start breastfeeding. Lactation consultants weren’t necessary. Nowadays, a new mother can’t necessarily depend on friends and family for help. There's a need for someone who is knowledgeable about breastfeeding to help new mothers.

I like to be needed. I love what I do. I have fun every day at my job. I honestly have never met anyone who is happier with what they do for a living than I am.

If you could pick one of the biggest misconceptions Americans have about breastfeeding, what would it be?

It’s not really about breastfeeding. It’s about formula. The formula companies have done such a good job marketing that many Americans believe that formula is just as good as breastmilk or good enough. It’s not. Breastmilk should be the food of choice for all of our babies. The only time formula is good enough is when the mother is not capable of producing milk or enough milk and donor milk is not available - or in the extremely rare cases when the baby cannot tolerate breastmilk. Then and only then is formula good enough.

My note: I may seem like a waffling wimp, but I have to add a few comments here. In my own experience, it wasn't so much the formula companies that made me question nursing before I became a mom, but the belief that had been pressed upon me from media and some other moms that nursing was really hard. (Although the formula companies are probably partially to blame for brainwashing women into thinking nursing is complicated and difficult. They don't want women to nurse, after all. They want them to throw in the towel - or soggy burp cloth - and reach for the expensive formula.)

That's really why I actually showed my mom-in-law my breasts before I was even pregnant. I was convinced nursing was going to require as much coordination and perfect anatomy as it takes for Michael Phelps to win eight Gold medals in Beijing.

Uh, weirdo.

Maybe this is why I was pleasantly surprised by just how natural nursing came to my babies and me. This isn't to say women don't encounter problems. I have plenty of friends who had trouble breastfeeding, especially in those early weeks. What got them through those tough moments was the support of their husbands, other breastfeeding moms, and sometimes health professionals like lactation consultants.

I think one of the reasons nursing was so easy for me was because in the back of my mind I knew I had someone on call to offer me help if I needed it. I wish all women had that. My mom certainly didn't. She had zero support. She was told she couldn't breastfeed because of her - you guessed it - inverted nipples. She's more sane than I am and wasn't about to show her nipples to my dad's mom as wonderful as my nana was (and is!), and her mom had already passed away. Her doctors told her not to worry about not breastfeeding. So she didn't, and she shouldn't now either. I share this anecdote because we have to be careful about what we say about formula for the moms who didn't breastfeed because the last thing good moms need is more guilt about what they did or didn't do.

Most moms want the best for their babies, but sometimes society and our own families (not in my case, but I've heard plenty of stories to know this is true) give us mixed signals about exactly what's best. We have to learn to trust our mom guts, and nursing is a natural thing for a mom to want to do even if it doesn't always come naturally right away. What I do encourage all women - whether you've nursed or not - is to, as my own awesome mom has done, support other breastfeeding moms. (Men need to show their support as well. My husband is great about supporting my nursing. He better be, or he'd be hearing from his mom!)

If we truly want more moms to nurse, then we, as a society, have to stop making nursing out to be something that's difficult or something, for example, that only at-home moms can do. We have to counter the formula companies' propaganda by openly talking about the health benefits for mom and baby as well as the joys (and the challenges, too) of nursing. Breast is best and should be the cultural norm and something that is more than a "nice" thing to do for babies, but that doesn't mean moms who didn't breastfeed didn't love their kids.

Finally, on a more personal note given some of my own experiences, we must stand behind breastfeeding moms - including those who choose to nurse at the mall and discreetly at Mass.

Describe a typical workday.

I start out going through the hospital census to look for new admissions who might be breastfeeding to add to my patient list. Last year I had an average of 27 patients on my list every day. Thank goodness they don’t all need me.

Some are sick babies who just happen to be breastfeeding, but breastfeeding is not the problem. They don’t need me.

Some are here for some illness and are having breastfeeding difficulties because of the illness. I try and help the mother maintain her milk supply until the baby is better and back to regular nursing.

A few are having problems with breastfeeding, which has caused other problems - jaundice, failure to thrive, or dehydration. I help these mothers in many different ways. Sometimes they need help getting the baby latched correctly. Sometimes they need help pumping to increase their milk production. Sometimes they are engorged.

Some mothers of babies in our surgical neonatal intensive care unit will need to pump for weeks or months before even attempting to put the baby to breast. When the time comes to put these babies to the breast for the first time, I help. And guess what? Most of these babies do become breastfeeders!

What’s the most rewarding thing about your job? What about the most challenging aspect?

Most rewarding: When a baby who was not breastfeeding well is discharged successfully breastfeeding. I feel like what I do to help that mother and baby will have a lasting impact on their lives.

Most challenging: Dealing with people who think breastfeeding is nice but not necessary.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about becoming a lactation consultant?

It’s a personally rewarding profession. You won’t get rich.

At this time it is easier to find a job if you have a medical back ground (RN or RD, for example). Which, by the way, I think is dumb. Teaching breastfeeding is NOT rocket science!

What about advice for a nursing mom or moms of little ones in general?

Don’t expect too much of yourself. Take care of the baby(ies) and take care of yourself. That’s enough. They are small for such a short time. I know – my babies are 26 and 30!

For more information on becoming a lactation consultant, please visit the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners.

Don't miss these other great posts:
How I Learned to Breastfeed
The Perfect Breastfeeding Teacher
Breastfeeding Education
Another Breastfeeding Education post
Motherwear Podcast: So, You Want to Work in Breastfeeding Support
Let's Take Our Perverted Society to School
Breastfeeding: With a Little Help From My Friends, Books and Professionals
Breastfeeding and the Registered Dietician
How to Prepare for Breastfeeding Success

Q&A with My Mom-In-Law the Lactation Consultant

My mom-in-law is a lactation consultant. This means I've got all the support I need when it comes to nursing. It also means I don't have to feel uncomfortable, as some of my friends say they are, nursing my babies when I'm at my in-laws'. In fact, I took the whole daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship to a new level when I asked her to check to make sure my nipples weren't inverted. Mind you, I wasn't pregnant or even married to her son at the time (we were engaged, thank goodness), and I was already worried about not being able to nurse. I've got to be the first daughter-in-law ever to willingly show her future mother-in-law her breasts. The good news is my nipples were perfectly fine, and all those fears of nursing failure were in vain (like most of my silly fears). I've breastfed two kiddos with ease, and nursing has been a rewarding experience.

Still, it's meant a great deal to me to have someone on deck if a question does arise. My main problem has been making too much milk, and Mom-in-law was always armed with resources to help settle down my super soakers and give my poor, gulping babies a chance to breathe. She's also helped many of my friends with everything from routine nursing problems (trouble getting a baby to latch-on) to less common questions (tips for nursing a baby after a C-section).

In honor of this Dairy Queen in our family (who happens to be a wonderful grandma for reasons other than her nursing expertise), I've decided to share a Q&A with my mom-in-law the lactation consultant. So whether you're a nursing mom, a La Leche Leader, or maybe someone who's considering becoming a lactation consultant, read on to discover why my mom-in-law thinks she has the best job in the world.

How long have you been a lactation consultant?

I started working with breastfeeding mothers and babies in 1982 as a volunteer La Leche League Leader. I have been a board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) since 1989. After becoming certified, I was in private practice for several years. I have been in my present position at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta for nearly eight years.

What made you decide to become a lactation consultant?

I have always loved children - especially babies - and I love teaching (I have a BS in education). I stayed home with my babies and started volunteering with La Leche League when my second child was a year old. This gave me the opportunity to teach and be with babies. I was hooked!

Why is supporting moms and their babies in their breastfeeding journey so important to you?

I believe every baby is entitled to breastfeed -if physically capable. If the baby can’t breastfeed, he is at least entitled to receive breastmilk. I believe new mothers need help and support to successfully breastfeed and/or pump. In the old days everyone breastfed, so family and friends could help the new mother get a good start breastfeeding. Lactation consultants weren’t necessary. Nowadays, a new mother can’t necessarily depend on friends and family for help. There's a need for someone who is knowledgeable about breastfeeding to help new mothers.

I like to be needed. I love what I do. I have fun every day at my job. I honestly have never met anyone who is happier with what they do for a living than I am.

If you could pick one of the biggest misconceptions Americans have about breastfeeding, what would it be?

It’s not really about breastfeeding. It’s about formula. The formula companies have done such a good job marketing that many Americans believe that formula is just as good as breastmilk or good enough. It’s not. Breastmilk should be the food of choice for all of our babies. The only time formula is good enough is when the mother is not capable of producing milk or enough milk and donor milk is not available - or in the extremely rare cases when the baby cannot tolerate breastmilk. Then and only then is formula good enough.

My note: I may seem like a waffling wimp, but I have to add a few comments here. In my own experience, it wasn't so much the formula companies that made me question nursing before I became a mom, but the belief that had been pressed upon me from media and some other moms that nursing was really hard. (Although the formula companies are probably partially to blame for brainwashing women into thinking nursing is complicated and difficult. They don't want women to nurse, after all. They want them to throw in the towel - or soggy burp cloth - and reach for the expensive formula.)

That's really why I actually showed my mom-in-law my breasts before I was even pregnant. I was convinced nursing was going to require as much coordination and perfect anatomy as it takes for Michael Phelps to win eight Gold medals in Beijing.

Uh, weirdo.

Maybe this is why I was pleasantly surprised by just how natural nursing came to my babies and me. This isn't to say women don't encounter problems. I have plenty of friends who had trouble breastfeeding, especially in those early weeks. What got them through those tough moments was the support of their husbands, other breastfeeding moms, and sometimes health professionals like lactation consultants.

I think one of the reasons nursing was so easy for me was because in the back of my mind I knew I had someone on call to offer me help if I needed it. I wish all women had that. My mom certainly didn't. She had zero support. She was told she couldn't breastfeed because of her - you guessed it - inverted nipples. She's more sane than I am and wasn't about to show her nipples to my dad's mom as wonderful as my nana was (and is!), and her mom had already passed away. Her doctors told her not to worry about not breastfeeding. So she didn't, and she shouldn't now either. I share this anecdote because we have to be careful about what we say about formula for the moms who didn't breastfeed because the last thing good moms need is more guilt about what they did or didn't do.

Most moms want the best for their babies, but sometimes society and our own families (not in my case, but I've heard plenty of stories to know this is true) give us mixed signals about exactly what's best. We have to learn to trust our mom guts, and nursing is a natural thing for a mom to want to do even if it doesn't always come naturally right away. What I do encourage all women - whether you've nursed or not - is to, as my own awesome mom has done, support other breastfeeding moms. (Men need to show their support as well. My husband is great about supporting my nursing. He better be, or he'd be hearing from his mom!)

If we truly want more moms to nurse, then we, as a society, have to stop making nursing out to be something that's difficult or something, for example, that only at-home moms can do. We have to counter the formula companies' propaganda by openly talking about the health benefits for mom and baby as well as the joys (and the challenges, too) of nursing. Breast is best and should be the cultural norm and something that is more than a "nice" thing to do for babies, but that doesn't mean moms who didn't breastfeed didn't love their kids.

Finally, on a more personal note given some of my own experiences, we must stand behind breastfeeding moms - including those who choose to nurse at the mall and discreetly at Mass.

Describe a typical workday.

I start out going through the hospital census to look for new admissions who might be breastfeeding to add to my patient list. Last year I had an average of 27 patients on my list every day. Thank goodness they don’t all need me.

Some are sick babies who just happen to be breastfeeding, but breastfeeding is not the problem. They don’t need me.

Some are here for some illness and are having breastfeeding difficulties because of the illness. I try and help the mother maintain her milk supply until the baby is better and back to regular nursing.

A few are having problems with breastfeeding, which has caused other problems - jaundice, failure to thrive, or dehydration. I help these mothers in many different ways. Sometimes they need help getting the baby latched correctly. Sometimes they need help pumping to increase their milk production. Sometimes they are engorged.

Some mothers of babies in our surgical neonatal intensive care unit will need to pump for weeks or months before even attempting to put the baby to breast. When the time comes to put these babies to the breast for the first time, I help. And guess what? Most of these babies do become breastfeeders!

What’s the most rewarding thing about your job? What about the most challenging aspect?

Most rewarding: When a baby who was not breastfeeding well is discharged successfully breastfeeding. I feel like what I do to help that mother and baby will have a lasting impact on their lives.

Most challenging: Dealing with people who think breastfeeding is nice but not necessary.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about becoming a lactation consultant?

It’s a personally rewarding profession. You won’t get rich.

At this time it is easier to find a job if you have a medical back ground (RN or RD, for example). Which, by the way, I think is dumb. Teaching breastfeeding is NOT rocket science!

What about advice for a nursing mom or moms of little ones in general?

Don’t expect too much of yourself. Take care of the baby(ies) and take care of yourself. That’s enough. They are small for such a short time. I know – my babies are 26 and 30!

For more information on becoming a lactation consultant, please visit the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners.

Thank You!

I can't possibly begin to personally thank all of the men and women who have reached out, shown their support of my InsideCatholic article, and given me a cyber pat on the back. Your emails, blog posts, phone calls, kindness, and prayers have meant a great deal to me. Thank you.

I do want to draw your attention to an InsideCatholic blog post that Steve Skojec wrote directly in response to the comments that were posted on the site beneath my original article.

As I remarked after his post, what is really upsetting to me is that some of the comments were not only anti-nursing in Mass but anti-children as well. When we baptize our children, we are opening a door to the Church and welcoming them to the Body of Christ. When people view children only as bothersome distractions at Mass, it's as if they're slamming that door in their face. How can we expect to build the Church if we don't welcome the very souls who will make up its future?

Steve says it far better than I just did when he writes: " If we are a pro-life people, we are a pro-family people, and that means we are to welcome children and their parents, breastfeeding or otherwise, especially at Mass."

I encourage you to read the rest.

Michelle of Rosetta Stone also wrote a thought-provoking post called Humility and Acts of Mercy in response not only to the backlash from the InsideCatholic article but also to some flack I recently received after mentioning the acronym AP (as in attachment parenting) that's well worth a read. (And, yes, I am a little biased.)

Finally, Cathy Adamkiewicz , author of Broken and Blessed, reduced me to tears when she wrote this: "Not to be maudlin, but I have to say this. You know my little girl died when she was four months old. I only got to nurse her a handful of times. If she were here, oh my goodness, I would nurse her whenever she needed me.

As I read the awful comments you received I kept thinking of a 'rule' I've developed for determining if something is a sin. If Jesus saw me doing this, would He weep?

If Jesus or His Mother saw me nursing a little one in Mass, would They weep? Maybe, with joy."

For those of you whom I did not personally mention in this post (including those who chose to charitably disagree with me through email), thank you, thank you, thank you! You're a beautiful reminder that God is love.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

And sometimes, perhaps, a thousand insults.

Several people have emailed me about the photo that accompanied my recent article at InsideCatholic that discusses how I prayerfully came to the decision that I should not feel ashamed of nursing discreetly at Mass.

While I don't personally see it as obscene, I can see why the photograph might have caused some of the commotion, especially since a few people assumed it was me nursing. (Although it is pretty obvious that the woman in the photo is not nursing in church. It looks like she has a hospital wristband on for goodness' sake.)

I had nothing to do with the selection of it and did not see it until my article went "live." I'm sure some people could not get past the photo (or what was intended to be a humorous and conversational intro) and never even finished reading the article before posting their angry comments.

No, if I'd had any say, I'd have been an obnoxious mom and sent pictures like these of my own little nursling. Of course, I have to add (for anyone out there who thinks I support exhibitionism in Mass) that these photos were taken at home, not in church or anywhere public where I would use even more discretion and either nurse in a sling or use my nursing cover.

Busily nursing... (Yes, she is nursing. Really.)



Satisfied to her heart's content. Now, really, how could this act between a mother and a child ever be considered anything but innocent and beautiful?

Lessons Learned

The hate mail continues (and to be fair, so do the letters of support). While I know I'm most likely preaching to the choir and that a lot of you are probably sick and tired about hearing about this, I've got to get a few things off my chest. Uh-oh. I've just slapped lesson number one in the face.

• Be careful when using humor to discuss touchy subjects. I had no idea people would take my article's sometimes humorous, conversational tone (especially my intro) and turn it into proof that I was a selfish, vain, narcissistic person. Furthermore, I was surprised that using the term “Big Guy” to refer to God came off as sacrilegious to one commenter. Interestingly, I borrowed the term from my 3-year-old, who happens to see God as we all should – a really cool and loving “Big Guy” who’s always there for us. I am naive because I never realized how seriously people take themselves or what others write.
  
  
• Don’t share an article like this and its heap of ensuing judgmental comments with non-believers or anyone who has left the Church because they will use it to their advantage to “prove” what hateful hypocrites we all are. What saddened me far more than the personal attacks against me was to see the following subject of a comment: “So Glad I’m an Agnostic.”
  
  
• Capitalize and boldfaced DISCREET when talking about nursing. Otherwise, people will assume you are an exhibitionist who unabashedly "whips out [her] boob" whenever the opportunity arises. Apparently, I did not make this point clear enough for some of the readers, even though I used the word "discreetly" and also pointed out in my concluding paragraph that no one other than nursing moms would even be able to tell I was nursing. (I always use my Modest Mum Nursing Cover when necessity requires that I nurse in public.)
  
  
• My husband was right (again). When I showed him a few of the negative comments, he told me that I’d probably never be able to change these people's minds, that they were angry and blind to the truth behind the article. I have had a few emails comparing nursing my baby to having sex during Mass. I have tried to explain, with charity, to these emailers that there is a big difference between strutting around half-naked and engaging in sex at Mass (or anywhere public) and nursing a child. Sex is inherently not a sinful act. It's a beautiful, God-given gift with the purpose of creating new life and bringing a husband and wife together physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, it's also an act that we must avoid in certain situations (obviously Mass being one of them) by cultivating the virtue of chastity and by exercising self-control. Likewise, it's unfortunately an act that can easily be perverted when people become slaves to their passions or violate another person's sexuality/dignity.
  
  Feeding a baby, on the other hand, cannot be (unless onlookers make it one) a shameful, perverted act between a mother and a child. What's more, a baby can't be expected to control her "impulse" to eat. Nor is a mom who nurses a hungry baby acting on any impure or lustful thoughts. She’s responding to the needs of her baby and giving her nourishment and comfort.
  
  And for the individual who compared natural nursing to flatulence and other bodily functions, I have to ask, "Would you be angry if a baby mistakenly passed gas at Mass?" Yes, it would be a distraction, but it's not an intentional, evil act. Infants are unable to control their bodily functions or their hunger.
  
  Despite my attempts to explain, no one has returned my emails. My husband rests his case.
  
  
• Expect some backlash when you quote Christopher West. I’ve had a quite a few people question me simply because I quoted Christopher West. One person attacked my credibility by saying it's no wonder I quoted West since he makes everything about sex. Huh? The whole point is nursing is NOT about sex unless that's what you make it about.
  
  
• Keep a sense of humor when you’re being ridiculed. This might seem to conflict with point number one, but I’ve had to just laugh at some of the hurtful comments hurled at me. If I am the selfish spawn of Satan because I want to welcome all the little ones God gives me and bring them to his Church, then so be it. Chuckle. Chuckle.
  
  
• Christ is my everything. Okay, I already knew that, but it's being driven home every time another person accuses me of being "evil," "lustful," or "a shallow, self-absorbed, stupid and silly woman." Again, I am naive because I never expected that writing such an article would serve as a means of deepening my love for Christ and his sacrifice for me, but it has. See, I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life. Sure, some bullies on the school bus teased me. I got dumped...twice. I didn't land the starring role even once on the high school stage. I’ve even had someone tell me I’m going to hell because I’m Catholic, but other than that, I’ve never had anyone direct any personal attacks at me. Until now. Although these verbal scourges pale in comparison to what Christ endured for all of us, somehow I can better appreciate his quiet suffering, his dignity, and the kindness and forgiveness he continued to pour out even to those who drove the nails deep into his hands.
  
  I love you, Jesus. Please help me to be more like you in every way.
  
  "For from him and through him and for him are all things." (Romans 11:36).
  
  

Fireworks

I've had my share of fireworks this past week. Oh, I'm not talking about the WHAM-BAM, sparkly kind. We actually didn't get to see any real fireworks this year because the sky opened up just as the sunlight slipped away.

No, I'm actually referring to the figurative variety.

I never really thought of myself as controversial. I typically cover fairly benign topics like the silly things my kids do and say and my love for horses.

But something happened to my idyllic, little corner of Cyberspace this week. First, I left a comment on a popular mom blog about my 13-month-old daughter's abrupt reluctance to nurse and I happened to mention the acronym AP (as in attachment parenting). That got people talking and it made me reconsider ever labeling myself as anything other than a "Catholic mom and wife doing her best to meet her family's needs." Yet, this discourse was only the beginning.

Things got really interesting after an article on InsideCatholic was posted about why I nurse (discreetly) at Mass. This weekend I received my first piece of hate mail in my inbox and a slew of other negative comments in the comment section for the article.

I have arrived.

Seriously, I'm keeping a sense of humor with all this. I see all the exposure (no pun intended. I'm an advocate of nursing discreetly, after all) as a good thing. In just one week I've been described as a lactivist, and a vain, self-absorbed and insecure mom, and it's even been suggested that my nursing at Mass is a part of Satan's plan to degrade our Blessed Mother. (I can't begin to explain that last one either.)

I suppose I should be fretting over the negative feedback, perhaps even questioning myself and the choices I make as a Christian mom.

But I'm not. Not one little bit. And it has nothing to do with the fact that for every naysayer, I received an influx of positive and encouraging comments from both men and women.

It's kind of weird, really, since I have the tendency to worry too much about what others think. However, this is just one of the wonderful gifts motherhood has given me - thick skin and a nice helping of resolve, too. Thick skin to not let all those "expert opinions" out there make me second guess the way I mother and resolve to keep praying for God's approval and no one else's.

And it was God Himself who gave me my body, including my breasts, to be given up for my children. Unfortunately, it's only here in the Northern Hemisphere that my article would cause any debate at all. We have sexualized breasts to the point that a woman discreetly feeding her infant makes people squirm.

I don't consider myself a lactivist at all. I did not write that article about my decision to start nursing at Mass out of my love for breastfeeding or even my love for my children. It was really about my love for Christ and my desire to be at his table as often as possible. Somehow that point got lost when I mentioned the word "breast."

I want to go to Mass and I think Jesus wants me there, too, hungry baby and all.

InsideCatholic Article

Read my InsideCatholic article on why I nurse at the mall and at Mass here.

Speaking of nursing, for those of you who have been following the little nursling who wasn't, it seems she was simply on strike. For the past few days, she's been back at it.

The Mother of All Nursing Moms

Vatican pushes for more breastfeeding images of the Virgin Mary