Blogging Meets the Real World

First a story: After M.E. was born, I received an email from someone who is a part of Loaves and Fishes, a ministry at my church that organizes volunteers to bring food to families in need such as those who have welcomed a new baby.

This someone had signed up to bring me a meal, initially not thinking she knew much about me. After she'd added her name to the list to help out, she saw me at Mass and I looked familiar to her. Then she saw my name again and realized she'd already "met" me through my blog and had been reading my posts for quite some time (in fact, some of her comments had given me just the pick-me-up I needed during some rough patches).

It turns out Violin Mama, as she's known in Blogville, not only lived miles away from me, but she also went to my same parish.

Talk about serendipity.

So we chatted online via email and then later talked in-person at church and also had a nice conversation when she dropped off my meal (a delicious sausage and vegetable mixture served over hunks of crusty bread - yummy).

Just yesterday we decided to meet at a nearby park and allow our daughters to play together. Here we connected even more, sharing our joys and struggles with motherhood and how we both were prayerfully considering homeschooling among other topics.

Later at home, I thought, this is where it's at.

This is where blogging meets the real world, where you can look into the eyes of a virtual friend turned flesh and share what's on your mind. It's where you can actually see the finest details instead of just read about them - like the freckles scattered like stardust across her child's creamy face. It's where you can hear your friend laugh instead of seeing "LOL" in your combox. It's where true friendships blossom. It's where our children see their moms connecting with other humans instead of staring at an impersonal, glowing rectangle.

It's where I want to be spending more of my life.

I'm thankful I started blogging. As an at-home mom, writer, brooder, thinker, and someone who craves alone time, I needed an outlet. These days, I also need something to fill the many nights when my husband is at work or has to study and I find myself craving adult interaction after my young children are asleep. I've found great comfort and plenty of inspiration in the Blogosphere. Reading others' blogs has encouraged me as a wife, mother, Christian, writer, chef, friend, newbie homeschooler, and computer nerd.

Yet, there's always the temptation to allow blogging to erode my time. I want the Internet to make my life easier, not harder. I don't want to become a slave to technology or to allow it to swallow up time that could be devoted to better pursuits such as praying, playing, and reaching out to new friends.

I'm thankful for this community I've found, but there will always or always should be a need for me to seek out true physical human connections. Blogging, emailing, Twittering, Facebooking - all these technologies - should complement our life, not take over it.

When we find ourselves spending more time nurturing online relationships than the real ones in our lives, there's a problem. When we find ourselves shooing our kids away to check one more blog post or to shoot off one more email, there's a problem. When you start to compare yourself to other bloggers and start to see them as superhuman and yourself as a super loser in comparison, there's a problem. We need to spend time with "live" friends to see their humanness. We need to see that life isn't always as peachy as the photographs on a blog.

Truth is, I want to catch more than a quick, edited glimpse into the life of others. I want real friends whose hearts I can explore. I also want a real community to lean on - one that brings meals when my baby is born, one that hugs me with comforting arms when I feel alone, and one that invites me to step away from my computer and to head outside to a park where our kids can stretch their legs and clasp hands with their new friends.

When we were leaving the playground, Violin Mama's oldest daughter called out, "God bless you." Indeed He already has.

Making Gratitude a Way of Life

"For seven days you shall celebrate this pilgrim feast in honor of the LORD, your God, in the place, which he chooses; since the LORD, your God, has blessed you in all your crops and in all your undertakings, you shall do nought but make merry."

-Deuteronomy 16:15

I’ve often wondered how those first pilgrims were able to give thanks when they were starving, cold, and ravaged with disease. I imagine it’s much easier for me to be thankful with a great feast spread before me in the comfort of a warm home that's crowded with friends and family.

But God doesn’t want us to only be thankful when our stomachs and hearts are full. He calls us to glorify His name at all times and to count our blessings even when they’re not as apparent.

True gratitude really isn’t a warm and cozy feeling we should entertain once a year at the Thanksgiving table. It’s a lifelong choice we must make. Maybe we should call it Thanksliving. Even when it would be easier to focus on what we don’t have, we must count our blessings and embrace the virtue of gratitude, which has been called the “rarest flower in the garden.”

When we show gratitude, we humble our souls. After all, everything we have – from all the turkey and trimmings to the hands that raise our glasses in thanks – is a gift from God.

Lord, give me a grateful and cheerful heart, and help me to rejoice in you always.

May your family have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving, and may your hearts be filled with gratitude now and always!

Hearing God's Voice

The other day I was in the bathroom trying to - surprise! - use the bathroom with some semblance of privacy. This is just one of the things you take for granted before becoming a mom of little ones.

First, the baby crawled over to me and pulled up on my legs. "Gaga. Dada. Ba-ba-baaaaaa," she told me.

"Oh, really?" I replied.

My preschooler, who normally understands the importance of some solitude during potty time (at least for herself), didn't want to be left out of our tête-à-tête. "Hi, Mommy," she said, as she opened the door.

"Hi," I said.

Then she turned off the light. "Please don't do that," I asked as I turned it on again. (I was trying to squeeze in a few minutes of reading pleasure as well.)

She switched it to the off position. I turned it on. We repeated this process a dozen times before I sighed in exasperation and said, "Why can't you just listen to me?"

Hmmmm...No doubt God is often tempted to ask the exact same thing of me, only his store of patience isn't (thankfully) as finite as my own.

A dear friend of mine recently told me that God's voice is like a heartbeat. Every once in awhile it's very clear - like your heart thundering after you've finished a high-impact run. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest and you can hear it thumping away in your eardrums.

Other times, if you're anything like me, you have to really try hard to find that slow ba-boom, ba-boom. You wonder if your heart's pumping at all. Of course it is, but it can be disconcerting when you can't seem to locate your pulse.

God's voice is most often like the pulse you have to search for - it's always there just like your heartbeat, but sometimes it takes a lot of time to find it and to hear it.

Like a doctor using a stethoscope, you may have to sometimes use tools to listen it. The best tool we have is prayer. The more time we spend in prayer, the easier it will become to hear God's voice.

I've found that praying during Adoration is the stethoscope for me or in the very least, it's like a sprint that sets my heart racing and makes me aware that God is near. When I'm sharing the room with Christ, his voice becomes so much louder and clearer. My distractions fade and it's just him and me talking and listening to one another.

"Why can't you just listen to Me?"

Because, like my preschooler, I've got a mind of my own. I'm stubborn. I'm a control freak. I turn a deaf ear to you. I'm testing you to see if you're really there. Thankfully, you keep on talking until I finally start to listen.

CNMC Part II: Blogging Humility

Father Leo, the faith-filled foodie of Grace Before Meals, was the keynote speaker at the first annual Catholic New Media Celebration. His speech was both funny and moving as it inspired the audience to “be not afraid” to use their talents to do God’s work. But there was another message fused into his speech that struck a chord with me: The importance of humility in blogging and in life.

I have to work really hard at humility. Pride’s a stubborn companion of mine. It surfaces in nearly every aspect of my life. I take on more than I handle (because if I can’t do it all, then that makes me somehow less of a person, of a mom, of a wife, of a Christian….). I have trouble delegating (because if you want something done right, you should do it yourself). Instead of sometimes asking my husband for help, I wish he would just read my mind and offer to take a night shift with the kiddos. (Can you say martyr mommy?)

I also devote way too much energy into worrying about what others will think of me (including faceless folks roaming the blogosphere). Did that email I just sent out sound snappy (that wasn’t my intention; I was just trying to click send before my baby scaled our bookshelf. I better send an apology email later.)? If my overtired preschooler throws a fit out in public, I’m afraid the grocery clerk will think she’s a brat and I’m a lousy mother. If I admit to being “just” a mom at one of my husband’s social outings for work (where nearly everyone is a doctor or has some advanced degree), people will think I’m not much of an intellectual. If a friend doesn’t call me for awhile, it’s because I did something to upset her. You get the idea.

So, obviously, I need all the help I can get in the pride department. Based on the wisdom of Fr. Leo as well as others, here’s how I’ve decided to tackle this ugly monster both in my blogging and in my life as a whole:

• Keep my ego in check. It’s tough to feel rejected, to feel like no one is reading my blog, a labor of love I pour my heart into week after week. I have a fragile ego. I tend to take things personally, even when I shouldn’t. But as a Christian blogger (and person), I have to remember to stop asking, “What’s in it for me?” My life, what I write on my blog, isn’t about me at all – it’s about God, his love for me, and my Christian duty to reveal that love to others. Society tells us it’s okay to do what makes us happy and to confront anyone or anything that stands in our way. God’s logic is a little different: He tells us to do what makes him happy, which often means doing things we wouldn't think of doing if we were only pursuing our own contentment.
  
  Fr. Leo made a great suggestion to help keep ourselves from falling into the trap of pursuing “meology” rather than theology. Make a spiritual checklist and from time to time, ask yourself a handful of questions to make sure that you’re taking on whatever task is at hand for the right reasons.
  
  Inspired by his talk and advice, I came up with the following questions to help me keep my ego out of my blogging and the rest of my life:
  
  1. Why am I doing this? Is it only for personal gain?
  2. Am I more concerned about my own ambition or God’s?
  3. Is this really what God wants me to do with my time right now? Is this God’s will or just something I want to do to make myself feel better?
  4. How can I be less self-serving?
  
  
• Remember my purpose. I never meant for this blog to be only about me, a way to make myself feel like I was doing something other than nursing babies and singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" over and over. Sure, it provides a way for me to satisfy my compulsion to communicate. But I also meant for it to be about finding God in the trenches of motherhood and a way to have a written record of my kids’ childhood and my journey as a mom (one that can't be destroyed in a fire!). It helps to remind myself of this when I feel like no one is reading or when, as a mom, I think no one notices all the diapers I change and the smudgy faces I wipe clean. Besides, there is always someone noticing: God.
  
  
• Reevaluate how I measure success. I have the tendency to base my self-worth on quantitative things or the opinions of other people. In theory, I don’t believe success or my worth as a human being has anything to do with worldly standards; however, it’s really tough for me to not get caught up in Sitemeter statistics, the weight on the scale, the number of bylines or clips I can accumulate, my marathon time, advanced degrees, job titles, etc.
  
  Blogging puts me in the public eye, so there’s always the temptation to start to thinking of this blog as an external measure of my value as a blogger, writer, evangelizer, and even as a human being, especially since there’s no such thing as a report card for moms or a yearly employee performance review. It would be easy to obsess over how many comments I get, by my blog's monetary worth on Technorati, or by how many times my name comes up when you Google it. If you’re anything like me, “how to get [insert kid-caused stain] off the [insert odd place where kid left her mark]” isn’t the only thing you Google with more regularity than you’d like to admit.
  
  Even though I make a conscious effort to not pay much attention to stats or whose blogroll I’m on, just being human, I like to know that I’m making a difference, that I’m entertaining people (other than my kids’ grandparents) by sharing silly anecdotes, that I’m encouraging other tired, newbie (or even veteran) moms (or dads) out there, that my words are reaching someone not just for my own purpose but for God’s, too.
  
  But if I’m really doing God’s work, then I may not profit from it right away. Sometimes God reveals the fruits of my labor in the form of blog feedback or in the nursery worker who remarks on how sweet and happy my child is. More often the case, God doesn’t give me obvious kudos. There are times when I feel like my blog or even my mothering is all in vain. But if I keep God close, if I truly do things he calls me to do, then he will work through me and I will experience the sweet taste of success, if not in this world, then in the next.
  
  
• Don’t take myself or my little blog so seriously. This is a biggie for me. Do I really need to write thought-provoking posts every single day? I used to think, “Oh no! I haven’t posted in several days. What will my [very small handful] of regular readers do?” Uh…they’ll have more time to play Chutes and Ladders with their kiddos and so will you. If I stop this blog altogether, the world will go on. If I don’t lead that committee, the job will still get done. If I say no to an editor because I’m swamped, there will be another assignment down the road. One of the hallmarks of humility is accepting our limitations and not thinking we’re going to cause the world to crumble if we don’t do something.
  
  
• Celebrate the work of others. I’m naturally a competitive person (even when playing Chutes and Ladders), but in the Catholic blogging community, I can’t start to see my fellow bloggers as a threat. We’re all working through myriad points-of-view and style to spread the Good News. As I mentioned here, if a Christian blogger's combox is overflowing with comments, we should rejoice. The Word is getting out. Our "real" competitors are secular media, talking heads who embrace the wrong kind of trinity - the one Fr. Leo referred to as Me, Myself and I.
  
  
• Give thanks to God. One of the best ways to humble myself is to remember that everything I have and am able to do is because of God. "For from him and through him and for him are all things." (Romans 11:36). And even when I do get a pat on the back – whether it’s a byline, an encouraging comment on my blog or best of all, a literal pat on my back from the small hand of my child – the glory belongs to God.
  

I'll Never Walk Alone

My little one had a major meltdown last night. She was beyond exhausted and just couldn't handle anything. Me not reading her mind and knowing what book to read first. Me not rubbing her back the right way. Me tucking her in beneath her soft sheets when she was "all sweaty."

Despite my own bone-aching fatigue from being up most of the night before alternating between comforting two restless kiddos, I was a model mom, patient and gentle with our little ball of fury. I never raised my voice even when her deafening screams woke the baby. I kissed her tear-stained cheeks. I took her thrashing body into my arms and kept it there even after a furled fist popped my chin...hard.

I'm not sharing this to come off as a saint. I'm sharing this because I realized when she had settled down and was wedged between her daddy and me, quietly biting her nails with her bright, brown eyes gazing upward as she always does before finally succumbing to sleep, that there is no way in you-know-where I would have been able to keep my composure if my husband hadn't been there beside me. I'd had a long day and an even longer night (Dave had just finished working a 24-hour shift). My patience was short-fused all daylong as I played it solo, but once Dave was there in the trenches with me, I felt calmer, stronger, and ready to take on any flying fists or kicking feet that came my way with gentle but firm discipline.

Thanks to God's forethought and his brilliant plan for marriage and family, I'm not alone on this parenting journey. There's someone to lean on when I'm tired or achy or just plain frustrated. There's someone who laughs with me when our children do something funny. There's someone who scoops his daughters into his arms and tickles them and is everything a dad should be – fun, protective, and firm when he needs to be. There's someone who thinks I'm doing the most important job in the world by staying home with our kids – even if it means he has to work harder – and regularly praises me for embracing my vocation. There's someone who, like an answered prayer, walks into our home at the exact moment when I'm on the verge of losing it, someone who puts his hand on the small of my back or plants a soft kiss on my lips, or meets my eyes and flashes me a quick smile when our child is in the throes of a tantrum that says what words don't need to – that this too shall pass – and we'll still be together when it does.

Scripture: "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." (Genesis 2:18).

Spiritual Resolution: Say a prayer of thanksgiving for your marriage. Then plan a date with your spouse.

The Power of a Mom

“The first joy of a child is the knowledge that it is loved.” ~Don Bosco

A dear friend of mine – we’ll call her Rose – is a true humanitarian. Whether she’s serving her patients as a pediatric resident or volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity in India, Rose is someone who constantly looks outside of herself at the needs of those around her.

Although she’s not yet a biological mother, she has been a mom to countless orphans during several month-long volunteer trips. She has given these abandoned children the knowledge that they are loved, if not by their biological families or the society that has often discarded them as “damaged goods” because their bodies or minds or both are weak, then by God. Rose believes God is love and she shows her love for him by loving and serving others.

Rose shared with me this touching story after her most recent trip to India this past April:

During Rose’s first volunteer experience with the Missionaries of Charity, she encountered a little girl in the orphanage who was obstinate and prone to emotional outbursts. She suffered physically and had some kind of syndrome, much like dwarfism, that left her with some distorted features. She was behind developmentally as well and was not an overly affectionate child. She was, even in orphanage standards in India, one of the poorest of the poor. Perhaps that’s why Rose, ever one to live the Beatitudes, had a special fondness for the child.

Rose was eager to see her little friend again this April. However, she was not prepared for what she saw. The very same child, who just over a year ago had a penchant for fits of temper, now was poised and polite. She listened and asked instead of whined or screamed. Her physical body was still weak; she still suffered developmental delays, but her spirit had been strengthened.

Rose later asked a Sister if anything had happened to cause such a dramatic transformation. The Sister explained that the child’s best friend was adopted, causing her much heartache, not only because she had lost a friend but because she, too, hoped to be adopted.

“I want a mommy! I want a mommy now! Now! Now!” she wailed. To which another child quipped, “No one’s ever going to adopt you. No one wants a child who acts like you do.”

The child became quiet and since then, she no longer exhibits explosive emotions. Her fits have been quelled. She is obedient, affectionate, and giving. Her greatest desire now, it seems, is to please others.

And why? Because above all things, she wants a mother. She yearns for a mother so much that she has willed herself to be more aware of others, to not give in to her impulses and to be the kind of child she thinks a mother would want. That’s how much a mom would mean to this child.

This story is heartbreaking to me for many reasons. It makes me ache for all children who are abandoned. It makes me wonder and pray even more than I have in the past about adoption (my husband and I have discussed the possibility of adopting a child before). It makes me overwhelmingly grateful for my own mom, who gave me the first joy Don Bosco refers to by making sure with her whole heart and her entire life that I felt loved. It makes me implore our Blessed Mother to watch over all of the orphans of the world and anyone who has been deprived of love and protection. It makes me realize just how important I really am to my own children even when I’m feeling sorry for myself and see myself as nothing more than a walking and talking Laundromat, a short-order cook, a maid, a playmate to be bossed around, or a depository for unwarranted complaints. I am their mom. I am the one God has given the awesome responsibility of granting them their first joy in life – of showing them that they are unconditionally loved and in doing so, the one who helps reveal God’s love to them.

Since Rose told me this story, I’ve found myself often praying for that little orphan. I pray she knows that even when she feels unloved, even if she never finds a mom (or a mom never finds her), that she is loved. Not only by God and his own mother but by me, some other children’s mom way over on the other side of the world who hasn’t stopped praying for her since I heard of the personal sacrifice she has made in the hopes of finding a mommy.

Scripture: “But to those who did accept him, he gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in his name…” (John 1:12)

Spiritual Resolution: Pray a Rosary in honor of all orphaned and abandoned children, including the victims of abortion that they may come to know that they are children of God and will always have a mother in Mary.

Prayer: God, be for all your children what mothers cannot be. I ask what needs never to be asked: To love all of your children and to make your love to known to the ones who don’t have a mom to hold them, to plant kisses on their soft heads, to wipe away their tears, so that they will know that even when moms disappoint them or are not there at all, you are all they need.

I also pray for my own mom, who has loved God with all her heart by loving me. She has passed the holy torch of motherhood to me and I am ever grateful for this gift. Help me to to never take all she has done for me (and still does for me!) for granted. I am thankful, too, for my mother-in-law, who has been my like a second mom to me. Finally, I thank you for giving us the perfect model of motherhood in your own mom. Mary, Virgin Most Faithful and Comforter of the Afflicted, pray for your children. Amen.

May all you moms out there have a blessed Mother's Day!

Letting Jesus Be in the Limelight

These days, Madeline does what ever she can to be the center of my attention. Most of the time her antics are cute and appealing – like when she belts out You Are My Sunshine or dances around our living room like a dainty sugarplum fairy. Of course, there are moments when she tries the whole negative attention approach and chucks a toy across the room or transforms a lovely ballad into an ear-piercing scream session.

I know where she gets this need to have all eyes on her. Other than the fact that she’s 3 years old, I mean. Like my gregarious dad, I’ve always loved making people laugh. I never minded giving speeches. I felt at home on the stage and loved singing in the church choir in college. Before performing or speaking in front of people, I’d get nervous butterflies, but once I was in the limelight they fluttered away and I felt like a shining star. As Madeline would surely agree when she’s vying for my attention, it’s nice to feel noticed.

Jesus wants to be noticed, too, but there’s a big difference between him and me, him and a preschooler who is still learning how to share her mommy with a sibling. He should be the center of the attention, but he’s not going to fight for it. He’s too much of a gentleman for that. He’s not going to say, “Hey, look at me! Look at me!” He’s not going to throw a tantrum. He’s not going to pull out all the bells and whistles, the lightning bolts and the flashing “I am your Lord and Savior” signs. Jesus doesn’t work like that. He’s much more subtle. We have to single him out even if we never have a chance to touch his wounds as Thomas did. We have to believe in him even when we can’t see him. We have to notice him in the crying baby, the really irksome colleague who never pulls his weight, the belligerent teenager, the rambling, long-winded priest, the gossipy friend. We have to invite him into our lives. We have to allow him to be the center of attention.

Scripture: When Jesus came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And then a leper approached, did him homage, and said, "Lord, if you wish, you can make me clean." He stretched out his hand, touched him, and said, "I will do it. Be made clean." His leprosy was cleansed immediately. Then Jesus said to him, "See that you tell no one, but go show yourself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them." (Matthew 8: 1-4)

Here Jesus performs a miracle and cures a leper, but does he want kudos, globs of glory, or even a pat on the back? No. What he wants is gratitude and for the man to reveal Jesus’ love for him and others through his cleansed life. Similarly, we have to take a step back from ourselves and our desires and let him take the forefront. I’ve found that when I do this, when I offer all that I do for Jesus and make him the focus of my life, I am not only happier, but others seem to be more drawn to me. It’s a lot like kids. When a little one does something positive to get our attention, we are usually eager to shower her with love and attention. Not so much when that same child takes the negative attention route and hurls food across the kitchen table. Are all arrows pointing inward for us? Are we down on the floor, wailing and kicking, throwing tantrums? Are we ones to talk a lot about our faith but to fail to live it? Or, are we opening our hearts to Christ and choosing to lead a truly Christ-centric life?

Spiritual Resolution: Make Christ the center of your attention by spending time with him in Adoration this week. If Adoration isn’t feasible, try to stop by a church (not on a Sunday) and spend some time just talking to him.

Prayer: Jesus, I want you to be at the center of my life. I know that if I make you my everything, then no matter what befalls me, I will have peace and happiness. I invite you into my heart. Be with me now and always. Allow me to be like the leper you so miraculously cured and to use my grateful life, not necessarily my words or showy actions, to humbly express my love for you. Jesus, you are the Alpha and the Omega; you are the beginning and the end; you are worthy of my undying attention.

Working Wednesday: Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens You

You know that whole “I need to be more flexible and open to God’s plan” thing I wrote last Wednesday? (If you don’t, click here.) Want to see just how pathetically weak I am? I’m already back to being a crazy control freak and questioning this whole mothering thing and whether I’m cut out for it.

My confusion was sparked last week. One of the moms in my homeschool group just joyously announced she’s expecting her fifth child in November. Her youngest is around the same age as Rachel Marie and when I heard this wonderful news, I could feel my biological clock fanatically ticking inside of me. This came as somewhat of a surprise since I’d just been thinking – like five minutes before I heard my friend was pregnant – that I needed to be getting a little more (reality: a lot more) sleep again before I was ready for another child. That’s worth repeating: Before I was ready for a child. See it? See how I was thrust into “Me-Me-Me” Land again?

Even when the tables abruptly turned when my friend shared the news of her pregnancy, I was completely wrapped up in what I can do and what I can’t do. Yet, I was not longer pining for more sleep; I was pining for a baby, wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not pregnant again?”

Then I started thinking – as if bringing babies into the world was the latest competition - I’m quite a few years younger than this friend. Younger women are supposed to be more fertile, right? And I only have two kiddos. One. Two. Not one, two, three, four. So why haven’t I even gotten my cycle back yet? Does God think I’m not up to the task?

I certainly felt like I wasn’t up to the task this past Sunday when I had another bad day in the trenches. It was almost right up there with my Worst Mommy Day Ever (which, by the way, was the hardest post I've ever written; yet, it was the one I received more emails about from moms saying they, too, have had days like that).

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. One day I’m flying high. I feel like I should be up for Best Mommy of the Year or some sort of maternal accolade. These are the days when you can almost here my shouting, “Bring it on, Big Guy!” “It” being more babies, more little souls to take care of…or when one of those bad days rolls around, more souls to ruin.

I go back and forth trying to decide how many kids is right for me. How many kids can I handle? How much chaos is just too much? One day I’m thinking about how much I like order in my life and the next day I’m dreaming of the crazy, delightful antics a big family would surely produce. Sometimes I think the magic number is four. Other days, I think, why not have a few more?

But sometimes I start thinking I don’t need or deserve anymore children.

Like on Sunday, when I was weeping, feeling like the worst mom ever, begging God to not give me anymore children to yell at, begging for his forgiveness and his graces, wondering why despite my Herculean efforts and I felt, very noble efforts, to go to Mass solo with two cranky kids (Dave was on call this past weekend), I came home feeling more tired and defeated than when I left.

Back at home, I faced power struggles with Madeline involving her not wanting to poop (yes, it's a recurring theme in our lives) when her body was clearly telling her she had to poop and nap battles with my previously sleep-loving baby who has suddenly adopted some nocturnal habits and nap-boycotting tendencies. Then it was Mommy falling apart…feeling sad and showing my sadness through silent tears while my 3-year-old coming over to me and delicately touching my face and my hair, comforting me.

How did I get here? So despondent, so doubtful of my mothering? Only days before I felt jipped, wishing I was the one expecting another child. Now I was crying because I’d just lost my patience with my children and my 3-year-old was soothing me. Not surprisingly, that ticking clock was violently put on snooze.

All the while, God was waiting, waiting for me to stop trying to figure things out, waiting for me to stop trying so hard to be in control and to just get down on my hands and knees and say, “I need you.”

Maybe that’s why he gives me bad days every once in awhile. If I was always flying high, would I ever feel the need to humble myself, to kneel before the Crucifix as I found myself doing Sunday evening after the kids were finally asleep and whisper, “Please help me"?

And he will help me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Whenever I’m discerning my family size – whether I’m wondering why I’m not pregnant or how I can possibly have another little one who needs me so completely - I have to remember that God knows something that I don’t. Scratch that: God knows EVERYTHING that I don’t.

Jen at Et Tu? said it best in a great post about discerning family size: “When making decisions about bringing new lives into the world, we should focus a lot more on accurately discerning God's will and a lot less on our own assessment of what we think we can and can't do. As I have found, God sometimes calls people to do very unlikely, seemingly impossible things – especially when it comes to parenthood. But he does, indeed, equip the called.”

And he will equip me. Truth is, I won’t wake up someday with six or more kids (not likely to happen anyway). This is a learn-as-you-go-process. Sometimes it’s a cry-yell-apologize-humble myself- kind of process, too.

So for the time being, I’m going to move on. I’m going to forgive myself for my ugly mom moments this weekend (besides, we have plenty more good days than bad; I'm just someone who tends to need the catharsis of writing when I'm down in the dumps, not when I'm "flying high."). This is enough self-flagellation for awhile. I’m going to focus on what God can do through me, not what I can’t do. God gave me these precious souls. He called me to be a mom. Every day he’s asking me to relinquish control, to bend to his will. Will I answer his call? Or will I hide behind a litany of “cant’s”?

Scripture: “She will be saved through motherhood, provided women persevere in faith and love and holiness.” (1 Timothy 2:15)

“For in the image of God has man been made. Be fertile, then, and multiply; abound on earth and subdue it." (Genesis 9: 6-7)

Spiritual Resolution: Read Philippians 4: 4-13 and believe it.

Working Wednesday: Yoga for Catholics

Here's my second installation of Working Wednesday:

I’ve really got to work on being more flexible. Not in the Downward Facing Dog kind of way but more in the “I’m open to God’s plan – even if it’s different than mine” variety.

Like what Sarah over at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering did with this week’s Catholic Carnival. See, she had this grandiose “plan” to include insightful commentary with each Carnival post, but the weather and her children and God (yes, he works his way into the small plans of life, too) had a different one. So instead of writing a dissertationesque Carnival, she pushed her kiddos in the swings and soaked up the fresh air. The crazy thing is my plan was to write about my tendency for being too rigid in my life instead of going with the flow (in fact, I started writing this post last night) before I checked out Sarah’s hostess job. That sneaky Holy Spirit is always at work…

What spurred my desire to write on this topic was a walk down Memory Lane in the form of reading an entry in an old faith journal where I was writing about the Israelites’ struggles. I wrote: “I’ll thankfully never have to face what they [the Israelites] faced – living under an oppressive, godless ruler and being whisked away to a foreign land, but there are plenty of things that will (and have) happened that are completely out of my control. Do I question God when my own plan is disrupted, or do I go with the flow and look to God for peace and for guidance?”

It’s funny how these similar themes keep popping up in my life. I struggle with the same issues. I am a repeat offender who confesses the same sins over and over during Reconciliation. This whole control freak/lack of flexibility issue is one of my top fivers.

I come from a long line of planners and control freaks. We like to be in charge. We thrive on knowing what’s ahead. I personally like to have both short-term and long-term goals outlined and then I like to execute them in a streamlined fashion. This is a good trait in some ways because I get things done. I don’t procrastinate. I achieve my goals. I meet deadlines. I’m dependable. Blah, blah, blah.

However, my need for absolute control and precise planning can become a problem when I’m faced with the twists and turns of life. On a small scale, things happen every day to disturb my daily routine or my daily plan to accomplish any number of tasks. Madeline refuses to let me brush her hair. The baby becomes more nuclear than North Korea just as we’re ready to head out the door. Both kids decide to actually sleep in when we have to be somewhere by 8 a.m. Dave has to stay at the hospital late when I’d planned on making a fancy schmancy dinner just for his taste buds. Just as I sit down to pray or to write or to make a grocery list, the baby wakes up from a short snooze and Madeline decides quiet time is for the birds or any other animal but her.

Sometimes the “surprises” of life are more large-scale. I can’t conceive right away (as was the case with our second child). Madeline transforms from a well adjusted, no hassle, anything but terrible 2-year-old to a still sweet but needy as can be and sometimes slaphappy 3-year-old over night. The car breaks down and we have to tap into our emergency savings.

And it could be a lot worse. One of my parents gets really sick. I unexpectedly lose a loved one. I face a difficult medical diagnosis. We suffer a miscarriage. Doctors become government employees and we have to move to Australia after residency. (You never know.)

The fact is I really don’t have control over a lot of things in life and when I try to, all I do is drive myself crazy. As I mentioned, it’s okay and sometimes even beneficial to have a plan in mind, but I’ve got to learn to know when my plan is keeping me from being receptive to God’s blueprint for my life, from being the best mom and wife I can be, from putting Christ at the center of my life. On a smaller scale, my days can’t be so jam-packed with “things to do” that I leave no room for spontaneity, games of peek-a-boo, random hugs or unprompted prayers. My freelance assignment can wait – really, it can, you anal geek; your deadline is not for another two weeks. Your 3-year-old wants you now. Put the laptop away and go have a pretend tea party with her.

I must learn to react to all of life’s curveballs without anger, anxiety or exasperation. I must adapt, be flexible. I must take a deep breath and trust that God knows what he’s doing. A yoga devotee practices poses to gain more flexibility; I must practice “going with the flow” when I encounter baby (both literally and not literally) intrusions into my everyday plan so that I might be able to, with God’s help, handle the bombshells of life with grace and faithful acceptance.

Actually, a literal baby intrusion is calling me to adapt right at this moment. The Exersaucer has lost its appeal and Baby needs her Mommy.

Scripture: “But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself." (Matthew 6: 33-34)

“Do not take away your mercy from us, for the sake of Abraham, your beloved, Isaac your servant, and Israel your holy one,
To whom you promised to multiply their offspring like the stars of heaven, or the sand on the shore of the sea.
For we are reduced, O Lord, beyond any other nation, brought low everywhere in the world this day because of our sins.
We have in our day no prince, prophet, or leader, no holocaust, sacrifice, oblation, or incense, no place to offer first fruits, to find favor with you.
But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received;
As though it were holocausts of rams and bullocks, or thousands of fat lambs,
So let our sacrifice be in your presence today as we follow you unreservedly; for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.
Deliver us by your wonders, and bring glory to your name, O Lord.” (Daniel 35: 43)

Spiritual Resolution: Be open to God’s plan for you both in daily life and in what he’s calling you to do with your life. Pick any one (or several!) of the following and do it within the next week:

• Be spontaneous! Surprise your spouse with a date night.
• On next Tuesday, even if you had something “planned,” choose to stay in your PJs with the kiddos and have a pajama party. Or, if weather permits, go outside and search for signs of spring.
• Call up a friend last minute and invite them to share a glass of wine with you and some good conversation.
• If your child tugs on your hand while you’re trying to finish a task – no matter how important you think it is – stop what you’re doing and get down to your child’s level and listen to what he or she has to say.

Prayer: “God, I want to give you my heart and to be open to your graces and your will, but I can get so wrapped up in my own plans and the tasks at hand that I leave little room for you in my life. Please remind me to look to you for guidance and peace when things happen (or don’t) that are out of my control. Remind me that I really can relax, knowing that my life and the lives of all those I love are in your capable, caring hands. Amen.”

Working Wednesday: Keeping Score

I miss Lent. I don't miss a dearth of chocolate. C'mon, people. I'm not a saint. But I miss the daily Lenten resolutions I randomly picked each morning. I miss spiritual direction. I miss having a daily goal to focus on that helps buoy up my sometimes sinking faith life. Thus, I'm going to start an exercise here, hopefully every Wednesday (I just can't commit to a daily resolution), that includes an anecdote and some Kate-induced ramblings and then a spiritual goal or action to make my faith be more than a static facet of my life that I only write about. I'll call it "Working Wednesday" since it requires a little more out of me than just perusing a blog. I invite you to join me in these little resolutions. If you don't have a lot of time to endure my logorrhea, then scroll to the bottom of the post for a Bible passage and your weekly spiritual resolution. Then visit a blog that's participating in Wordless Wednesday and release a sigh of relief. Oh, and if you're struggling with something in particular or have an idea for a weekly goal, I'd love to hear from you. Please drop me a line at kmwicker[at]gmail.com. God bless!


I remember birthdays. It’s just something I do. I used to always send cards in the snail mail and I still do most of the time. Occasionally these days I’ll call instead, but if I know the date of your birthday, I’ll remember it.

One of the reasons I like to make people feel special on their birthday is because my mom always made a big fuss over birthdays (and all holidays for that matter). It wasn’t that she threw elaborate birthday parties and to this day, I’m against the idea of that little ones need a dog-and-pony-show to be happy on their birthdays, but she always made us feel like the most important person in the world on that one day of the year. This wasn’t always an easy feat, considering one of my brothers and I share the same birthday, but somehow she did it. I’d usually wake up to discover a birthday card on my nightstand. That was the first of many birthday greetings she sprinkled throughout my day.

So my mom gave me a good reason to remember birthdays – I want to make others feel as special as she’s made me feel all these years. Of course, there’s also a very human part of me that remembers others’ birthdays in hopes that when mine rolls around, I’ll have a heap of birthday well-wishes and an email inbox full of singing e-cards.

But I also know that sending a card to a friend just so I’ll get one from them in return on my birthday – I’ll scratch your back, then you scratch mine – should never be my motive behind stocking up on greeting cards at Hallmark or the Dollar Store.

During his days on earth, Jesus never kept score. (I hope he still doesn’t. Otherwise, the scoreboard is looking grim. It’s maybe 1 point for Kate and a gazillion for the Big Guy). I shouldn’t either. When I choose to do something nice for a friend or anyone, I shouldn’t look for something in return. I can take this a step further and recognize that it’s the giving that’s important, not the tax write-off or the kudos for our generosity that matters. It’s human nature for us to want others to be aware of the kind deeds we do or the money we give to those who are less fortunate. I mean, I just let the whole blogoshere know that I’m good at remembering birthdays (sorry about that and for the record straight, I realized that I did, in fact, recently forget a friend of the family’s b-day.).

What God really wants out of us is to give out of love, not obligation, not because we want to be recognized or we want to rack up birthday greetings, not even because we want to earn a spot in heaven. Yes, this life is all about looking heavenward, but I still say that the easiest path to holiness is to do things out of love, not fear or duty or wanting anything in exchange for our acts other than God’s friendship. Funny thing is, we’ve got that even when we act like selfish goofs.

This kind of giving, doing and living – the kind that is not conditional on anything – is a lot like parenting. As parents, we may not see a paycheck for all of our hard work. We may not “earn” tangible benefits for every single hour at the job. There are some who argue that children are ruthless, little takers. (Don’t believe me? Read this post, which has shares some similar themes with these musings.)

Just the other day I saw children described as a “quality of life impediment” in a mainstream parenting mag. It was meant to be funny, but I wasn’t laughing and I’ve got a pretty good sense of humor. We don’t ever need to demean children like that.

Now don’t get me wrong. Kids, especially the 5 and under lot, are frequently takers. As their parents, we’re constant givers. They are bottomless pits of needs and all day we have to keep filling them with one more drink of water, a dry diaper, a hug, a story, a spontaneous dance session in the living room, a middle-of-the-night nursing session. Sometimes the giving is tough. Sometimes I want to say, “Get your own drink of water!” But just when I feel completely zapped of all my parental charity, my children give me more that anything I could offer them. Maybe the baby lifts her arms into the air and says, “Mama” or begins to giggle when I sing “Little Bunny Foo-Foo.” Or maybe, like happened today, I'm feeling grumpy after diffusing a fierce tantrum at the playground and ignoring the person – a nanny, I think; it couldn’t have been a fellow mom – who eyed my sobbing 3-year-old and said, “Looks like someone missed her nap” until Madeline, who has completely recovered from her intense but short-lived fit, plucks the most perfect purple blossom and says, “For you, Mommy" and my grumpiness completely vanishes. Or she says something that makes my throat catch. “What makes you happy?” I asked one night after we read a wonderful bedtime story called Tell Me Something Happy Before You Go to Sleep.

“Loving God,” she said. Wow! Who’s the giver now?

The point is, we’d drive ourselves crazy if we were constantly keeping score, wondering how our kids or our spouses will repay us for all that we do for them or if we’ll get a gift if we give a friend a gift, or even if God will reward us. But if we do all things – from tithing to sending birthday cards, from making PB sandwiches for hungry kiddos to overlooking the fact that our husbands forgot to take out the garbage – as nothing more than an expression of our love for God and our neighbor, then we’ll get a taste of what it means to be holy and an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. And let's face it, that’s worth far more than any Hallmark greeting.

Scripture: “When you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. And your father who sees you in secret will repay you.” Matthew 6:3-4

Spiritual Resolution: Send someone a handwritten note or donate to a favorite charity, anonymously if possible.

***Keep Pope John Paul II in your prayers. Today marks the third anniversary of his death.

New Year's Resolutions 2008

1. Pray more.
2. When Madeline says, “Play with me,” stop what I’m doing, providing it doesn't involve my boob (nursing Rae), a stinky diaper or an on-the-verge-of-burning meal and play with her, even if it means making her Little Mermaid figurines talk about life under the sea for the umpteenth time.
3. Soak up Rae’s “golden age of infancy” (from about six to nine months). Be available for lots of her wet, open-mouthed kisses.
4. Sleep more (not really a resolution, more like wishful thinking).
5. Worry less.
6. Blog for the fun of it, but don’t let it become another chore to add to my to-do list.
7. Aim for good health rather than trying to wear a certain size or to lose those last few stubborn pounds.
8. Make regular date nights with Dave a priority.
9. Compliment Dave every day.
10. Ditch the perfectionism.
11. Keep track of all of the books I read during the year.
12. Kiss, hug, tickle and hold the hands of my kiddos more.

Counting My Blessings

I decided to practice an exercise in gratitude by listing every thing I’m thankful for that pops into my mind in a span of ten minutes. Now a few caveats: First, these are not listed in order of importance, considering fruit comes before dark chocolate and that Mary is number 36 on my blessing inventory. It was merely an extemporaneous exercise. Moreover, I didn’t self-censor at all, so some of the blessings may seem a little silly. However, when it comes to being thankful, there’s nothing too trivial.

At any rate, here’s what I came up with:

1. My family
2. My faith
3. My health
4. My husband’s health
5. My kids’ health
6. The grandparents’ health
7. Fruit
8. The fall and the vivid colors of the leaves
9. Dark chocolate
10. Animals
11. Good books
12. My laptop
13. A healthy baby who is growing stronger every day
14. An extremely easy-going, happy baby who coos and giggles far more than she cries
15. Hearing Madeline sing “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid
16. Hearing Madeline say, “I ‘uv’ you, too” after I say “I love you” to her.
17. The opportunity to write for Faith & Family, one of my favorite publications
18. Flowers
19. Hikes through the woods with Dave, Madeline and Rachel Marie
20. My amazing homeschooling co-op
21. My fertility
22. My recently shaved legs
23. Warm showers
24. Clean drinking water
25. My relationship with my mom
26. Many, many wonderful friends
27. Eskimo kisses from Madeline
28. Wheat Chex with honey (I’ve been craving cereal lately…weird)
29. Jeans that fit right
30. Color Wonder coloring books (they keep Madeline occupied by the hour and I don’t have to worry about markers ending up all over her clothes, skin or the house.)
31. My abundant milk supply (I never have to worry about my babies not getting enough to eat)
32. My thick hair (considering it’s been falling out in copious handfuls since Rae’s birth, I might be in trouble if I didn’t have a full head of hair.)
33. Candles (I’m writing by candlelight.)
34. My mother ship (AKA Honda Odyssey)
35. Motherhood
36. Mary, our Holy Mother (thank you for saying, “YES!” to God’s call.)
37. Birthdays
38. Oxyclean

Thanks be to God!

As Christians, we’re called to regularly give thanks to God in our prayer life. However, I too often offer up needy supplications that have more to do with what I don’t have than all that I am blessed with – from my good health and family to smaller but definitely gratitude-worthy things like a hidden stash of chocolate in my pantry for sweet-tooth emergencies.

Yet, being thankful is an important part of our faith and what better time to start counting our blessings than during the Thanksgiving holiday? Of course, what we really need to strive for is to make gratitude a part of our everyday living, not just a once-a-year affair – to embrace “Thanksliving,” a term I stumbled across in a recent issue of Children’s Ministry Magazine.

So, in honor of Turkey Day and the thanksgiving tradition and to help us reflect on what it means to be grateful, I’ve highlighted some Bible verses about thankfulness and gratitude as well as included some ideas on how to bring the Scripture to life by applying it to our daily lives. May they be good reminders of why we should express our thankfulness every day through prayer and by sharing our blessings.

Psalm 28:7: “The Lord is my strength and my shield, in whom my heart trusted and found help. So my heart rejoices; with my song I praise my God."

Life Application: Give thanks to God by singing his praises. Identify at least five things you’re thankful for during your daily prayer time. Here are the first five that came to mind for me today:

1. My family
2. My health
3. My brother Jason’s recovery from a drug addiction. He’s a new man who has rediscovered Christ, has been sober for more than two years and is about to start a full-time job at No Longer Bound, an amazing faith-based program that helps men suffering from drug and alcohol addictions.
4. Finding a $30 dress for Dave’s holiday party. It’s always so stressful picking out a dress for Dave’s annual radiology Christmas party. I don’t want to start keeping up with the Joneses, but I also don’t want to show up underdressed or in something that looks like last year’s style. I know it’s superficial and something I need to work on – to not be so concerned about my outward appearance or what others think of me, but it was a relief to find a sparkly, black cocktail dress that was stylish, fit my postnatal body, including my abnormally large, milky boobs, and didn’t put a dent in our bank account!
5. Rachel Marie’s fuzzy hair. Just looking at her crazy, “mohawkish” hair each day brings a smile to my face.

Psalm 95:2: “Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving. Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.”

Life Application: Reading and reflecting on Scripture is a wonderful way to show thanks to our Lord, and the Psalms are a great place to start. As someone who loves to sing and has always appreciated poetry, I love their lyrical quality. Today pick up a Bible and randomly choose a Psalm to read. Then thank God for all the wisdom he imparts to us through his Word.

Matthew 26: 26-27: “While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, ‘Take and eat; this is my body.’ Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you…’”

Life Application: Jesus gave thanks during the Last Supper and we, too, can make it a habit to give thanks during mealtimes. Consider starting a family tradition of asking each family member to share a blessing they received during the course of the day at dinnertime.

1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks always. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”

Life Application: Think of a time when you felt hopeless and maybe even questioned God’s love for you. For example, I suffered the malady of a broken heart when I was in college. I thought I’d snagged myself a good Catholic guy only to have him break my heart into a million pieces. At the initial demise of the relationship, I remember wondering why this was happening to me. (Since then I’ve learned to ask “Why not me?” instead of “Why me?” when faced with trying times.) I admittedly questioned why God would allow me to fall in love with a Catholic man and then have it end so terribly. Flash forward nearly a decade and I am infinitely thankful that guy wasn’t the one. I know now that God was watching over me and knew this person was not the right man for me. Today I am happily married and with two beautiful girls. This was a good lesson in putting my trust in God even when I was hurting and in being thankful for his love and guidance in all circumstances. Let us be thankful to God at all times, even when it would be easier to feel sorry for ourselves and to think of ourselves as unlucky instead of blessed.

Psalm 118:24: “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.”

Life Application: At the risk of sounding Chicken Soup for the Soulish, every day truly is a gift. Start your morning by giving thanks for the day the Lord has made and be aware of all the graces and the gifts he showers upon you – from the sunrise to the food on your table.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wisdom From Gaba

My mom, also known as Gaba to the grandchildren, is a wise, wise woman. Recently, she sent me an email in response to my blog entries revolving around my "horrible-no-good" mommy day. Sometimes I see my mom as this perfect, peaceful wife and mom who never loses her cool or struggles with her faith. But here, she admits that she's only human and she stumbles just as much as the next person. Her words gave me a lot of a hope and were a good and timely reminder that God is always ready to forgive. May they help you, too.

Gaba wrote, "Over the years I have tried to bring my troubles, insecurities and demons to God, therefore you don't always know about my bad mommy moments or bad Catholic moments or bad wife moments, etc., but believe me - they are all there!!! In fact last night I was up late sitting in the dark with a glass of wine staring at one of the most beautiful night skies complete with resplendent moon thinking of how weak I am and wondering why I seem to pray over and over and over again for the same things whether it's courage to beat my weaknesses or wisdom to inspire my kids or a girl for Josh [my younger brother who really wants to find a wife. Email me if you know of any nice, Catholic girls in the Atlanta area! I'm serious.] or humility for me. If I pray hard, why can't I beat my nicotine addiction, find time to write, be a better wife? Why hasn't Josh found the love of his life, why am I too chicken to drive to my daughter's house, how come I doubt my faith so often, blah, blah, blah???? I don't have any answers for you except welcome to the human race! I even think it's good for kids to see that we aren't perfect because that makes them feel better because they know they aren't perfect. Your faith at your age is much stronger than mine was at your age. I sit back and admire young people entrenched in their faith and God as I wasn't there at all when I was in my twenties. We all have our demons, faults, etc. Thank God for his forgiveness!!!!"

Thanks, Mom/Gaba! You are a source of so much wisdom, strength and encouragement for me!

Just a Few Catholic Moms I Admire

(Photo: This is my own beautiful mom pictured with my daughter Madeline.)

God's providence never ceases to amaze me. He continues to put amazing Catholic moms in my life who inspire me and make me feel confident in my chosen vocation as mother and wife. Two such moms also happen to be writers who have not only encouraged me in my motherly role but also have been there for me as a writer who's trying to carve out a niche in faith-based markets.

Heidi Saxton is the editor of "Canticle: The Voice of Women of Grace." She has given me several opportunities to write for "Canticle," but she's also gone above and beyond the call and duty of editor by taking the time to email me with tips and guidance on how to break into Catholic markets. Heidi is a wonderful editor and writer and also an adoptive mother who shares spiritual and practical parent nuggets on various websites. I invite you to read her column at CatholicMom.com or peruse her blog on adoptive and foster parenting at mommymonsters.blogspot.com/.

Just recently I worked up a nerve to contact another Catholic mom and writer whom I admire. Danielle Bean is the senior editor of "Faith & Family" magazine. She also maintains a wonderful blog at www.daniellebean.com. Her writing is down-to-earth and oftentimes witty yet also a beautiful expression of her strong faith. Oh and did I mention that she homeschools and has eight children? To me, a 20-something just beginning my mothering journey, she is a Super Mom. I told her so much in my recent email and asked how she manages to seemingly do it all. While I hoped to hear from her via email at some point, I never expected a personal phone call in which she listened to my breathless rambling about mothering and writing and then reassured me that falling into the rhythm of motherhood takes time and gaining the courage to branch out and pursue other passions (like writing) is a slow process. However, what touched me most of all is when she said, "Even if you never do anything else other than be a mom and wife, you're doing exactly what God intended you to do." I know this in my heart, but it's nice to hear it from others every once in awhile. Admittedly, I sometimes feel it's not enough these days to "just" be a mom. I feel like if I'm not a humanitarian, published author, marathon runner, sensitive wife and uber mom, I'm falling short. But the truth is, being a loving wife, raising children and sharing our faith with our families is often a lesson in Christ-like sacrificial love and one way to help build God's kingdom here on earth.

Of course, there are countless other godly women who have helped me to grow in my faith and more secure in my vocation - from some of closest friends to moms I've met in Familia (a national apostolate of Catholic laity committed to the well-being of the family) and in my Totus Tuus Catholic homeschooling group. Then there's my own mom. I've often told her she's an earthly angel, always watching out for others. She's never had a traditional career other than a stint as an outreach coordinator at her church, but the fruit of her "work" as a wife, mom, grandmother and volunteer is bountiful.

So thank you, Mom, Heidi, Danielle, and all the other amazing Catholic women in my life! You make me proud to be a Catholic mama!